Viral attack....

The Lancet has stirred up a hornets nest. The British have now named a bacteria/virus after Delhi, NDM-1 , and the powers that be are up in arms. I mean why not George, or Vladimir, or Sarah, or even Suresh ? New Delhi metallo-beta-lactamase doesn't at all sound impressive, and why the "-1" ? Is there a "-2" in the pipeline ?


While folks are upset over pointing fingers, and are showing references to plenty of hospital infections like MRSA (methillin resistant staph aureous) that were and are prominent in the US now and UK 10 years ago, it must be said that we did not rush in and name that infection in honor of New York, Washington D. C. or even Atlanta. Even when AIDS got people into a dither in the US, we were still welcoming folks from the US , UK, and Europe, and we let the scientific name remain.

We , of course will let medicine and science take its course, particularly where Pharma companies are concerned. Some of them funded this aforementioned study (NDM-1) , and it goes without saying that they will soon announce an antibiotic, or vaccine for the problem. There will be a lot of serious research, stuff will be proved and disproved, linkages of prominent folks in the US and UK governments with pharma companies will possibly be revealed, pandemics, and recommendations by WHO and UN will happen....

But why look outside ? Like they say, people in viral houses should not crib about virii. We need to look in our own back yards. Or maybe front yards. But probably, mostly in New Delhi.

NDM-3 : The New Delhi Municipality bacteria-3. This one is bitumen based. It causes, human hands to mix mud and sand in wrong quantities, to dilute mixtures for filling potholes. Reports indicate that one hand does the mixing, while the other goes deep into side pockets of the pants and overalls . Sometimes the hand also extends upwards at folks sitting in AC offices. Lest you think AC stands for "air conditioned", I must hasten to educate everyone : AC = Aur Chahiye (="want more")....


NDM-4 : The New Delhi Municipality bacteria-4. This one bores thousands of holes in the surface of flyovers recently constructed in New Delhi in honor of the Common Wealth Games. Ever since Rs 45 crores worth of pots and Rs 132 crores worth of plants were sourced to decorate the venues without checking with Delhi Police (who declared them a security risk , possibly after a legislator flung them around in a patriotic emotional outburst), the authorities re placing them under flyovers. The NDM-4, will enable drip irrigation of all these plants through the flyovers studded with holes, given that Delhi is getting a lot of extra rain these days.

CWG-1 : The CommonWealth Games virus-1 . There. UK and USA cannot name a virus/bacteria with the suffix " -1" now. ! Maybe they will give me a prize. But I don't know anyone in the organizing committee. I do know a few ex-students from a school named after the Chairman's father in a town thousands of miles away, but possibly it doesn't count, because too many folks will qualify that way. This virus, attacks a part of your brain that deals with numeric ability, and simply keeps adding zeros to the right of any number. Whenever your eyes alight on a "quoted" number the virus simply magnifies things so that what you realize is something else. This virus mutates in amazing ways, and is prominently found in state capitals.

CWG-2 : The CommonWealth Games virus-2. This virus has evolved after the question of bathroom usage came up. In our country, in many places, there are simply no bathrooms, and so naturally, there is no usage. Often called the elitist virus, this virus automatically shuts your eyelids over your eyes during certain visuals, such as women in slums wandering about with a can of water, in the early dawn hours ,seeking a place to relive themselves, before everyone gets up. Yet, given that athletes from several developed countries are likely to come for the CommonWealth Games, and despite the long jumps, high jumps, hurdles and throws, they cannot be expected to wander around with water. and so , it helps that the virus has a great affinity for paper ; both the smooth toilet type, as well as the crisp green type. Certain folks affected by this virus, have been known to have made a killing in the toilet paper field, so to speak.

ME2 : The Me Too virus. This virus actually attacks those who attend legislatures and parliaments. At one time this virus was considered dangerous for children, but concentrated efforts at eradication by the nation's mothers and a few teachers have brought things under control. However, the virus has now mutated into the ME2G virus, standing for (Mee Too Greedy). A perception or even a hint of someone in government benefiting out of a deal in a surreptitious manner, activates this virus, which then results in a series of committees and joint committees being set up to investigate things. The virus also in known to give people a totally false sense of power. Reports indicate, that the only antidote to this, is developing a sense of sharing, as well as a capacity for rejecting reports.

There are several virii and bacteria still in the formation stage. Some viruses have taken on human thought like activities, and cannot make up their mind.

But I am actually worried about the BR-1 virus. The Baton Relay virus.

I mean this virus has international ramifications. High Commissions are involved. The Baton Relay virus is actually resident in the UK. A few slightly virulent strains were noticed in the Games Committee, and they were dispatched to London. Those affected by this virus, sometimes suffer temporary blindness. They sanction bill payments in British pounds, thinking it is in Rupees, and mistake Buckingham Palace for RashtrapatiBhavan.

I mean, I am totally unaware of any possible Macular Degeneration in the British monarch, but one wonders, when one hears of three giant screens put up near the palace, to show on film, someone in shorts, running with a baton, and the fact that these virus affected types, paid for it. (I wonder who the screens are for; unless they cannot see from the palace balcony).

I hear the baton has since travelled through many countries, and is now somewhere in the south of India. I wonder if it is carrying the NDM-1 virus back from the UK, where it has created a sensation .

Maybe that's why, when it reaches Mumbai, no one will run, but it will be transported in a car across the city. The police force which will be completely occupied during the Ganesh festival, something which is attended by a huge amount of local and international tourists, cannot be spared to fuss over a stick arriving at the same time, NDM-1 or no NDM-1.

Maybe its fitting that the fuss over the stick is left to New Delhi. With so many existing and in-the-pipeline virii itching to attack, we will let folks do the running with the Queens baton (maybe with NDM-1) , across the flyovers, roundabouts, and leafy roads of New Delhi, into the stadii, pools and other venues.

With all the NDM-3, NDM-4, CWG-1, CWG-2, ME2 virii in attendance, the NDM-1 should feel right at home.

Now I know why the Queen isn't coming for the Common Wealth Games.