Vegetarian Politics or Political Veggies ?

The mango season is well upon us, amidst rumors of  the Hapoos Alphonso mangoes being priced out of reach of the Hoi-polloi this year, and counterfeit carbide tainted "hapoos "  from non-Kokan areas of the country rampant in the market.

Intrigued as I was , about the intrusion of a Portuguese name   , I was aghast to find Wikipedia saying that some guy called Afonso de Albuquerque used to travel around Goa, and bring these mangoes with him. They also then say that this variety was then taken to the Kokan region , and other parts of India.  It seems the locals couldn't pronounce Afonso, and started calling it Ahpoos. ( If Afonso was bringing these from , say Portugal, we should have heard  praises of Portuguese mangoes, by now, which we don't.).  To me, it is more believable, that the Portuguese who relentlessly forced their own culture on the original inhabitants of Goa, might have forced someone to name this great mango variety as a compulsory tribute of sorts to the Afonso....


Folks in Uttar Pradesh now will not have any such problems. They have recently decided to name a mango variety grown there , after their latest Chief Minister, and so we now have the  ....(drum roll).....Akhilesh Mango.  Turns out that the same folks have also introduced the world to the Sachin Tendulkar Mango and Aishwarya Rai mango, but such is the stature of the Devgad Hapoos Mangoes, that these celebrity mangoes kind of fade into oblivion.

The West has a tradition of naming  prepared foods  rather than grown produce , after folks . While I haven't heard anyone naming popular snacks after eminent folks in India, maybe the guy naming Mangoes in Uttar Pradesh will set a precedent.

The possibilities  simply boggle the mind.

---Like the Bamata (Manerjee) Mirchi,  short, quick to get angry, fiery, and something you cannot ignore, because it is so badly needed. In cooking and coalitions...

---Like the Mranabda Ukerji Onions ,  who, without fail, unravel, each year in February-March,  layers and layers of new taxes, designed to bring a copious flow of tears for the common man...

--Like the  Sapil Quibble cauliflower,  declaring all broccolis the same as cauliflowers.  So what if it costs more to get them . He will make it so that everyone can buy broccoli, and its OK if someone suffers.

-- -Like the Pawarful  high-glycemic-index Sweet Corns, and other  ex sweet corns, now introducing the Baby Corns , to walk in their footsteps, and like girls, these baby corns have flowing (golden) silky tressses

--- Like the Anna Karela,  with poky tendencies,  spilling the bitter truth to all and sundry....so bitter, it is actually better to fast....


---- Like the  Swaraj Kakdi,  with a big spot of red chilly powder, always fresh in the Delhi and legislative heat, full of argumentative juice....

---- Like the Multi-Karat Red Beetroots,  angry at being ignored at the sabjiwallas....

-----Like the Lal-ooo(h)! tomatoes, and it's such a pity you cannot use them in Cabinet Samosa as stuffing.....

----Like,  the NarunaKidhi variety of different types of related green beans, or is it "has beens" ?   All slightly more mature now, folks uninterested in buying and using them, and yet they follow the dictum, "I'll  break (veggie coalitions), but I simply wont bend" causing some problems in the main sabji organization.....

---Like,  Waayamati Capsicums,  sometimes  a dangerous angry  red, sometimes, flush with gold yellow, but mostly  green, to counter all that concrete environment overflowing in the statue parks, and then even elephants prefer green woods...

----Like the High-a-lalita Hoopla, sorry Bhop-la, resplendent in yellow and upset in orange,  vociferous and crackling about the government making a NCTC Raita out of it.

----Like the wayward legislative Methis and  Kothmirs, green every five years, weeded out every now and then,  but individually , the leaves light enough to flit  all over the scam cooking chambers

It's not just the veggies.  It's even sometimes the grass.

 Back in the 1950's ,  the country imported wheat from the US under the PL 480 scheme. Along with the wheat, we also received a weed,  impressively named Parthenium Hysterophorus. First noticed in Pune, it was ignored, till it spread rapidly in North Karnataka,  and even as far as Jammu . A grass with an erect green shoot system, with a creamy white flower profusion at the top, this was promptly dubbed  Congress Grass, since it emulated the very fast growing greedy political folks who sported white Gandhi caps.

In the last so many years, the white cap has become synonymous with politicians , per se, regardless of party.   350 lakh hectares of land in the country (or over 10% or our land area) including 20 lakh hectares of arable land has been infested with the actual weed.  The cumulative loss on account of this weed till date with its impact on humans, animals as well as crops so far has been estimated at a whopping Rs 160,516 crores!

They say a Mexican Beetle , with another impressive name ,  Zygogramma bicolorata, has now been introduced as it simply eats up and destroys the  Parthenium Hysterophorus .

Shades of 160,516 Crore Scams, investigations, and Lok Zygogramma Anna ....


This year , vegetable prices have soared beyond imagination. The analogy with politicians is complete.

In the meanwhile Hapoos mangoes continue being out of reach.

 Some say, they are being exported now ever since the then-President  George Bush  had some in Delhi, and promptly allowed their import into the US, so he could enjoy them in Texas in retirement......

Another scam ? ....:-))

The Ratnas, Padmas and Sirs.....

Its that time of the year again.

Its time for the "granting of the favours" . Earlier it was more like "granting of the honours".

My childhood years were TV-less, Internet-less, but studded with the haunting sounds of the AIR (All India Radio, NOT All India Rank) signature tune playing in the early rays of the sun as we got ready or school /college and assorted games practice classes.

Vividh Bharati and Radio Ceylon did the film songs, and for a long time I used to think that Mohammed Rafi actually went to Ceylon to sing Actually , it didn't really matter, as that wasn't something that was on the parents approved-list of things to do, and so was enjoyed surreptitiously.

Newspapers were full of news, rarely sensations. There was a sanctity about high places and with those that occupied them. Republic Day honours often delighted everyone, and one's parents were often observed nodding their approval. If there was a desperate behind-the-scenes plotting or skirmish, one never heard or saw it. Consequently , we grew up with a healthy respect for those in high places.

My children today cannot say the same. Government has become an ocean of opportunities, all to be grabbed with hands, feet ,relatives, and anything else you can think off, and if you stop to think about rights,wrongs and rules, you would probably qualify for the Padma Murkha Award for that year.....

Republic Day has become a day on which one peruses the Padma Award lists to see how many and which people have succeeded , sometimes, not in their fields of work , but in the back-scratching-favour-returning sweepstakes.

This year takes the cake. The "Competition" for Bharat Ratna has hotted up. And to think that I always thought it was an inspired decision at the topmost echelons of government, seemingly removed from the brat-race.

Never have political parties , so blatantly put up their candidates to compete for the country's highest Award.

So far there was a massive lack of finesse in deciding the Padma Awards. That the Ratna Award should be haggled about , has severely demeaned its value, and if that's the way things proceed, then the award should be scrapped.

Witness how Advani proposes Vajpayeeji's name. You serious ? The combative left responds with Jyoti Basu's, only to have some theoretical communist types harrumph loudly and say they don't accept "State Awards"..... Madam Mayawati emerges from her state sponsored diamond encrusted birthday celebrations to demand that the founder of her party , Kanshi Ramji is really the only choice; get ready for a whole bunch of National Parks, maidans, colleges, universities, airports etc to be named after him. I only hope they leave the Arabian Sea, and Bay of Bengal alone.

With Madam in the race, can Mulayamji be left behind ? No siree. Bharat Ratna for him too. And never mind those court cases. They are almost like a qualification today. Accused but not convicted. And so , in a shameless manifestation of the "me too" syndrome, Laloo Prasad Yadav in a display of Bihari inspiration, nominates two leaders of his state posthimously in an alarmingly sudden manner; Jagjeevan Ram and Karpoori Thakurji ki Jai. Who are they ? Does it matter ?

Naveen Patnaik of Orissa, suddenly feels that it's high time his father Biju Patnaik is awarded the Bharat Ratna. That Tamil Nadu will surge forward with a nomination request for Karunanidhi is one of my few correct predictions. And I hear, that NT Rama Rao's daughter, who is, what else, a MP or a minister in Delhi, feels that her father is actually a "gem" of a choice for the Ratna Award.

What candidates ! What amazing choices ! And none of the above, can claim to be universally , nay, nationally , without reservation (was that a pun?) , admired .

Quiz the citizenry, and you get the real answers.

Why not Kumble, who came through in flying colours, when he handled the monkey business in Sydney. Dignified, serious, to the point, and very firm, he united the team as never before. His interviews and declarations would put a diplomat to shame. He allowed every Indian to hold the head high, and never mind who won the match. Applause came from across a cross section of cricketing and non cricketing folks. The spinner excelled as a statesman, and never mind those 600 wickets. Everyone admires him, with or without the cricket.

Why not Baba Amte, who singlemindedly brought dignity, self respect and success to those affected with leprosy, and created a haven, nay heaven for them at Anandvan, toiling away through an entire life, lately almost bedridden, without expecting any fruits of his labour, in the highest spiritual tradition ?

Why not Ratan Tata, the doyen of industrial India, who used available excellent Indian technical expertise to come up with a one lakh car, so that those forced to travel "quadruple seat", with children hanging on for dear life between parents on a single motorcycle, could have a safer option? (When his uncle the great JRD was nominated for the award, he(JRD) is reported to have wondered how he fitted in, as he was neither a politician , nor yet dead. .....)

Maybe the biggest hint has come from the Rt Hon. Gordon Brown Esq., Prime Minsiter of Great Britain.

Speaking at a function during his recently concluded official visit, he mentioned Sachin Tendulkar as a likely candiddate for a British Knighthood.

I suppose, while Mumbaicha Mulga, Master Blaster, Little Master, Khel Ratna, are all names dear to Sachin's heart, one more Ratna Award would be greatly appreciated, an accepted with great humility, maybe with a longish look at someone Up There , in the sky, who he always look up to.

About the Brtish Knighthood, all we can say, is , "Agobai, ata Sir Sachin ka ? Hmm."