Twittering times

This post highlighted by

Maybe its my proletarian background, and my idea of how an outfit's utility should be judged (Can you run for a bus in it, without getting entangled in the sleeves?).

But I despair for the nation every time they have this immense waste of time, space, yardage, not to mention money, and hold , what are hitherto known as Fashion weeks. We recently had a Lakme India fashion Week 2011, where resortwear was highlighted .

Supposedly. And someone went haywire with headwear.

Whats more, it turns out that a blog friend who actually dresses in the approved "running for the bus" fashion , and hairstyles approved by the elders (read nicely oiled ,washed , sundried and braided hair) was charged with sitting through it all and sending Twitter and Facebook updates to her clients . We will refer to the Blogfriend as Guru in what follows :

(This does not purport to be the actual twitter conversation, or even close it. Any unintended resemblance, coincidence or similarity may be attributed to my newly enhanced sense of e-humor . This line to scroll fast from left to right at the bottom of the page . )

Guru Here comes the first. Inside info. The flowers and branches have LED lights. You sneeze and they light up #jairamramesh #blogadda #lfw

B12 @Guru I thought she was practicing for the Happy Dent ad, u know , hanging from chandeliers # TVads #lfw

Guru @B12 Municipal authorities planning to use this as street lights. Doctors declare pollution as ideal for frequent sneezing. Atishoo . #newdiscoveries #jairanramesh #savemumbai #lfw

Guru Folks check out the towel ladies during the World Cup drinks break. Rolled in twos. #wc11 #lfw

A1 @Guru Didnt know Ness Wadia/Bombay Dyeing was that desperate after selling his Punjab team. #wc11 #ipl #lfw

Guru @A1 @K1 towels and turbans to match. Me thinks there is a Matching Scam #ipl #wc11 #lfw #cbi

Guru @A1 @K1 Breaking . My foot. Ouch . Not Safe. That was Preity stamping.... #lfw #ouch

Guru : Here comes the Dabba award winner. Recycled computer and TV dabbas. Color sponsored by Asian paints. and Fiskar scissors #lfw # jairanramesh #recycle

X23 @Guru @DMK Has MRF tyres entered fashion industry? Diversification ? #chennaisuperkings #mrf #srinivasan

Guru @X23 Whirlpool has commissioned the dabba saree, from its fridge packing boxes. Berger and Asian Paints tussle. #environment #lfw #uselessintherain

Guru : Just back from Backstage. Almost became part of this ladies outfit. Inspired by roadside scavengers #lfw #recycle

Ugich @guru I see she has swiped your black and white ribbon belt, wasnt that an athletics prize in school? # gurukul #scam #unmatch

Guru @ugich @piracycontrol So much plagiarism, piracy. She tried to leave for London . the Customs are investigating the wraps.# gurukul #scam #unmatch

Ugich @guru Take care,. For a moment thought she stole your braid. Maybe she did. Just check...#lfw #recycle #raddiwala

Guru Folks, 21st century headgear dedicated to AirIndia. Can see some VIP's in the audience, wiping their brows, with the passenger sachets. #lfw #aviation #airindia

AB1 @Guru Securely tied down. But wrong color. Should be Red. #lfw #aviation #airindia

CD @Guru Looks like there's a bird hit. Feathers at neck. Waise bhi its not going to take off #lfw #aviation #airindia

Guru @AB1 @CD Am planning to wear this on the flight back. Injuries possible in economy. Will fly Business Class. Yoohoo #lfw #aviation #airindia #freeupgrade

Guru We're on to the second part. Dedicated to Gaddafi. Maybe its him. See the false military honors . Thats why the mask. #lfw #libya #gaddafi #highlife

Aji @Guru Do you see how his left hand is in a sling? Camouflaged in the ribbons ? What happened ? #lfw #libya #gaddafi #highlife

Guru @Aji Coming to the stage, the ribbons were trailing behind in style. Then she got entangled. So just threw them across the shoulder. #lfw #libya #gaddafi #highlife

Aji @Guru Whats with the mask ? #lfw #libya #gaddafi #highlife

Guru @Aji Its a combination of glares, inhaler, and beer glass. Microphone on shoulder. Ideal for sudden speeches. #lfw #libya #gaddafi #highlife

Guru @Aji Aiyyo. Just bent closer to see the shoes, one of his medals fell on me. All fake. Hmm. #lfw #libya #gaddafi #highlife

Guru Folks, this one sponsored by Adarsh builders of Mumbai . Like their highrises, the model rises high . #lfw #builderlobby #adarsh

Rajd @Guru Do they expect anyone to wear this monstrocity ? Shaaa! #lfw #builderlobby #adarsh

BRakha @Guru @Rajd Any significance of the big lips ? #lfw #builderlobby #adarsh

Guru @RajD @Brakha It means they wont testify in court. Shows how the environment lobby has encircled them. #lfw #builderlobby #adarsh

Guru @RajD @Brakha Notice the dried leaves in the waist length chain. And the shameless building on the head #lfw #builderlobby #adarsh

Guru @RajD @Brakha Those loudspeaker things and vanes attached to hands. Blatant shouting and lying. And the building will stay. On her head. #lfw #builderlobby #adarsh

Guru Ever wondered what happened to the cement bags after your house repairs ? #lfw #recycle #hotair

Shanta @guru Aiyyo, where do I store the coconuts now?#lfw #recycle #hotair

Guru @Shanta Builders to designers. New linkages They've banned these on the Bandra Worli SeaLink though #lfw #recycle #hotair

Guru @Shanta Two models got out to pose, and a speeding mercedes air shockwave blew them into the sea . CBI investigates. #lfw #recycle #hotair

Shanta @guru Aiiyo ! I am shocked too. #lfw #recycle #hotair

Guru Top secret. Just revealed Unnamed sources indicate this as a cheerleaders dress for an IPL5 team #lfw #ipl #cows #

HW @Guru Pakka kya ? Which team ? #lfw #ipl #cows

Biba @Guru We're taking them to court. Cant have Cow bibs. Brand name Infringement. Stay tuned . #lfw #ipl #cows

Baburao @HW @ Biba @Guru Me Baburao. Owner of Kolhapur Kings. Bibabai can have the skirt #lfw #ipl #cows

Baburao @HW @ Biba @Guru Our models will wear nauwari. This is the necklace.#lfw #ipl #cows

Guru Sheesh. I've been hear all afternoon. And they come out with this boxed lady. With boxer shorts too. #lfw #dabba #cricket

Shanta @Guru Aiyyo ! Inspired by Ravan, no ? But why not a decent dhoti ? #lfw #dabba #cricket

Karuna @Guru @Shanta This is the new model cricket helmet. Extra gloves, chewing gum, towels in side boxes #lfw #dabba #cricket

Karuna @Guru @Shanta You can always say the ball snicked the side dabba. Not out. And the bowler doesnt see where you are looking. Ponting just placed order ! #lfw #dabba #cricket

Guru You know what, this lady walked the ramp earlier. I felt very uneasy. But I am not Page3. Just a simple Hoipolloi #lfw #ordinaryperson #manonthestreet

Guru The first sensible outfit. So representative. Of us. Mouths shut in shock. Pricetags all over clothes. Tied up in inflation. And no one to look up to ........#lfw #ordinaryperson #manonthestreet

Guru See ya folks, And no I didnt think anything was worth buying, even if they paid me . #lfw #ordinaryperson #manonthestreet

I am just wondering, why anyone would appoint someone to come and actually sit through all this ?