Monday, August 30, 2010

M(ulti) P(aisa) Games

(From our special correspondent)

Rumor has it that close on the back of the hefty salary rise , our MP's are now clamoring for special MP Games to be held for them, yearly , in the capital. The MP or Multi Paisa Games as they are being referred to, will be restricted for participation, only to Members of Parliament, and will have two levels. The Youth level for MP's below 40 years of age, and the Boss level for those older. Another category called Don level was quickly abolished, as it sounded Italian.

A Group of Ministers (GoM) has been appointed , reporting directly to Kuresh Salmadi, for the purchase of sports kits for the MP's. Due to the wide variety of sizes, and the predominance of extra large sizes, a delegation will shortly take off for Europe and America to study Apparel Choice Techniques in developed countries. Representatives of Reebok and Puma were seen in the corridors of Power, but they returned after learning that they would have to provide several shoes in sizes 4 through 11 to each MP, in addition to a several ladies chappals, gratis.

Special sports events and new disciplines will be introduced at the First 2010 Multi Paisa Games.

B-run, or Briefcase Run. MP's will be carrying briefcases stuffed with paper rectangles of various sizes, as they run. The new feature is that they will not run in a circular stadium course, but on a crooked course, that ends at a 7 star hotel. A proposal to introduce hurdles was being considered with the amendment that MP's would slide under the hurdles instead of leaping over them. This was immediately rejected by voice vote in the House.

Excitement has been mounting ever since the new sport of Fake , as in Throw , has been mooted. The loudest cheers seem to be emanating from UP and Bihar, and the sports ministry has been flooded with entries from practitioners of microphone-fake, kursi-fake, paisa-fake, not to forget promises-fake. Reliable sources inform us that CPI(all varieties) have gone to Supreme Court, to have the last mentioned renamed as Fake Promises.

Inertia concerns have deleted the High Jump, from the list, but a huge number of entries are expected for the Long Jump event, ever since it was decided that the sand pit into which the jumpers ended the jump would actually be papered green, and observed by referees from major opposition parties. While games requiring physical agility , like badminton, tennis, table tennis, and even cricket will not be part of the MP Games, walking as a sport is being touted as a favorite. Since the roads of Delhi have been spoiled by the CWG, not to mention the rains, the MP's are currently practicing walking from their seats in the House to the well of the House (although a few MP's were found cheating and running), as well as walking out of the House.

Boxing, Indian style, is on the cards, ever since marshals had to come in to give some practice to MP's , since abusing the speaker and sleeping in the well of the House became greatly popular.

Weight lifting has been greatly simplified. An earlier plan to have MP's lift Budget papers was abandoned in favour of getting a few key representative MP's to simply stand up, themselves, in a massive defiance of gravity.

Shooting and Archery have been deleted from the list to the great disappointment of some MP's currently facing court cases and/or in jail (yet not convicted), as well as some actors and actresses, with expressive eyebrows, now gracing the august chambers.

Reliable sources indicate that Cow Milking as an event was being considered on the special request of some senior MP's from Bihar. Tenders have been announced for the purchase of fodder. Unnamed sources hinted at connections of this process to a possible support on the Womens Reservation Bill , in the unforeseeable future. The decision of the government is awaited.

A delegation of senior MP's lead by Alu Pershaad, and Ruffhai Singh recently met the Sports Minister, to discuss the creation of a Games Village. They demanded that post the Games, each MP be granted a flat in the Games Village, with a special allowance for furnishing and maintaining it. Any MP completing a full term, would get the flat for life.

Switch to a small town in the interiors of Maharashtra, where the swimming state levels were held last December. The girls team accommodation consisted of a big room, with cold floors, draughty windows, and a small wood fired boiler out in the garden 2 floors down, where you lined up with buckets , at 5 am to get in a queue for baths, so you could make it for your warm ups by 7 am at an ice-cold pool 5 kms away. No beds, No sheets, no blankets, no pillows. (Inconvenience caused was regretted.)

And we don't talk about the food. Judging is immensely hard work, and every few hours the timers and judges grudgingly agreed to imbibe a plateful of delicious snacks, while the competitors awaited the whistle, to climb on to the diving blocks.

Facilities for a refreshment stall for competitors did exist on paper. The paper that will be included in the expenses report.

Stay tuned for further news from the 2010 Multi Paisa Gains, sorry Games .


  1. To the text in green at the end: Been there done that. Worse infact. Have pushed aside benches and desks in school classrooms to make way for mattresses (of our own) to be laid down on a damp floor. Winning in spite of it made the above mentioned ordeal inconspicuous. Your post brings back memories of teenage days spent in anger, frustration and helplessness. But love for the sport brought me through! :)

    And lol at the B-Run. Do they get disqualified in case the briefcase opens and the wads of rectangular paper is strewn across the track?

  2. G :-)) ! Yes, please stand up on the block labelled "1" !

    Actually there are even worse memories. And I keep admiring the girls, who brush all this aside and do their races with such great effort and dedication. I have lived through years of being a swimming parent, disgusted at the callous treatment of our young athletes and swimmers. And yes, its just the immense love of the sport that takes them through it all.

    About the briefcase opening, nobody will get disqualified, except the manufacturer of the briefcase ....

  3. LOL Cow milking !!! Milk flinching !!

    Hilarious ! With all the news about the CWG happening on all the TV channels this indeed was a wonderful read !!

    Ofcourse, we are tuned in for more !

  4. I'm all for 'Cow Milking' as a sport for the proud 'sons of the soil'. This is a proposal you must forward to the Govt. :-)

  5. felt sad reading it, because it was too close to the truth. brilliant is an overused word on the blogs.
    but still this post deserves the term brilliant.
    on the state level swim comp. i think its the norm rather than the exception for most of the sporst in India.

  6. LOL!

    How about a race called 'dash to the well'?

    You know, if the government wants more Olympic medal winners, facilities and treatment of athletes need to improve...But I guess for them, the only sport that matters is making money...

  7. Hilarious from first word to last! Albeit, a sad plight indeed. We've made a mockery out of our democratic system, where our taxes go into pockets that are only getting deeper.

    And everytime someone wins a medal (Olympic, Asiad or Commonwealth) the whole country is waiting with garlands. What about the (lonely) road to the victory stand? Funny, uh?

  8. Hilarious and Painful at the same time.. you have put up the contradiction beautifully.. Hope some MPs at least are reading various blogs.

  9. ugich thanks for your comment in my post, but I had commented here earlier..

  10. wise donkey Ah. Sorry about that. Must be my old age catching up :-))

  11. Oh my - your other sharing makes me smile and sad. You write so beautifully. You have a special gift for sharing.

  12. you have surpassed your previous posts with this one.What about a sport that has people passing notes under the table?

  13. no probs:)
    you are on my blogroll so unless i am away from blogging, i won't miss your blog:)
    and when i have time I will catch up with your older posts:)

  14. Kavi Maybe we will now have a new generation of Cow millionaires. And the Cows will be tested for banned drugs.... terrible isnt it ?

    Anil P I can see lalu types jumping up and down. On second thoughts , maybe he shouldnt.

    Bones I guess the time is ripe for the introduction of note counting and collation as a sport. And I can see the bank cashiers being immediately disqualified....

    RGB We have these sport ministers now who specialize is shoving aside honest coaches, so their own ample frames fit in. What to do ?

    aativas You think they get time to read anything else other than denomination of currency notes ?

    One Woman's journey Thank you.

    HHG Good suggestion. I can see some unscrupulous types, probably related to ministers, recommended by committeees, marketing tables with secret shelves stuffed with notes.

    Wise Donkey Ah , the perils of aging :-)