Dumb Design ,Dumber Folks असे हे कपडे .... अशी ही माणसं

I am just wondering about a nexus. Between government and fashion. And it has me in a complete tizzy to note that , in a country where so much needs to be done regarding many basic things promised in the Constitution , transportation, drinking water, it has seen it fit to set up a thing called Fashion Design Council of India(FDCI), with an bureaucrat(IAS) lady at the head.

Is this or was this a crying need ? Or is this a case of being blind to those who cry, out of a need ?

And what do they do ? Organize, among other things, "fashion weeks" where politics and fights dominate. Along with page 3 folks, who are seen, sitting unnaturally cheek-by-jowl, shoulder-to-bejewelled shoulder, with worried faces, seized with having an adequate supply of champagne that evening, as they welcome Luis Vuitton, who seems to be copying bag stuff from Linking Rd.

And watch designer after designer comes up with stuff even your child wouldn't wear at the school fancy dress competition. Like :


<-Wow. No need to carry bags when you go shopping for vegetables. Its built in , in the skirt. And as you buy more , it flares ....and never mind the bhajiwalas' stares....

<-Now you know what happened to your room carpet. But good riddance to all that dust collection. And may page 3 get the sneezes...

<-Not meant for us simpletons traveling in buses; the eggs might possibly break, despite the beehive protection .But you can see the page 3 types in the audience worried about poultry prices..

<-This is for those who walk the straight and simple path. You turn , and you will either get sued for injury , or pay for some one's eye operation. Also we'd love to see this lady enter a train loo successfully...


<-Can't wear this for a felicitation. The garlands would get stuck in the eyepiece. But optometrists have been vying to provide lenses for this frightening frame. Would have probably been ideal for wearing during a "bandh "....the rioters would be thunderstruck, although i can see my aunt rushing with a shawl to cover the girl...

<-This has to be the biggest insult to the Mumbai monsoon season. Rain Rain, go away, I'll throw this in the trash, if I may..... but totally understandable, as it is designed for the Mercedes types...

<-She is not orthopaedically injured, nor is she graduating, but the whole thing seems to be inspired by some innovative desperate construction worker ladies, who are not given helmets to wear at construction sites , as they slog to build homes , for those who ooh and aah about this and pay in four digits for this monstrosity....

<-Looks daunting but my question is simple. How do you blow your nose as you daintily traipse around in Mumbai's allergic pollution ? And why make the tunic so long if you have to turn it up ? Unless of course, in page 3 style, you turn up the tunic in lieu of your nose , which no one can see anyway ....



<-What can I say ? Though I wish she would turn around and show the backpack she is carrying. Think of all the beeps that would go off in security. Think of all the frustration of those frisking....

<-Can I sell this dress by weight to the raddiwala ? Are these dresses inspired by the cows on our campus, with this great obsession with horn like headgear? Would anyone open their door to someone who comes like this ?

<- For some reason, this brings back memories of crows and pigeons I end up shooing away everyday from the balcony. And we don't look at the headgear. The combination of crows,pigeons and cows would be explosive...

<-Gujarati saree on a tube dress, and a missing sleeve. What happens if you are a lefty ? very uninspiring. Its OK if all you do is stand and smile; or glare; Maybe a head covered by the pallu (saree shoulderpiece) would be interesting ....

<-Just when I was wondering if no one would design anything for the male of the species, here is a thing rejected by all the female models. They even threw water on the guy. For fashion. See the patches.

I give up.



These are all actual photos from the recently(Fall 2008) held fashion week, not withstanding the fact that Mumbai has only a hot, hotter and a torrential monsoon season. Five star venues, corporate patronage, page 3 attendance, huge expenditures on music and decor for every designer's atrocious displays as above, and the FDCI has the temerity to say this on their web page :

Under its aegis, the FDCI will represent the interests of fashion designers. It will nurture the growth of this industry, help develop the needs of the industry, and provide a platform for Indian fashion designers.

The Indian Fashion Industry, in international terms is embryonic. Expansion and awareness of the industry in India has leapt multifold in the last ten or twelve years of its existence. As the opportunities for designers grow and develop so will the need for such a council in India.

Fashion Design Councils or Associations exist in all the primary fashion centers of the world.

So do basic amenities for citizens

In a country where 26 nautical miles from Mumbai, on the tourist island of Elephanta, there is no electricity for children to study, across the country women in rural areas trudge for miles, daily, to collect their drinking water from dubious sources, and scores of rural health centres are unmanned due to insufficient government logistics support, why this sudden interest in fashion? Is there a nexus of some kind ? Who benefits ? Is there a trickling down of benefits ? Many questions and no answers.

We just need to shut our eyes and ears...

Undemocratic fashion.

Fashion : NOT (of the people, for the people, by the people)

There is actually something called FDCI. Fashion Design Council of India. If you insist on knowing the expansion.

Its not terribly clear whether it is something set up by designers to "institutionalise" their profession, or whether it is something the government has set up , in a sort of semi interested way, (if such a thing is at all possible); but the person heading it right now, is a retired IAS (Indian Administratice Service) lady officer, with a huge amount of experience in handicrafts, tourism, and setting up of the National Institutes of Fashion Technology (NIFT) all over India.

For a couple of years now, newpapers get occasionally slavishly addicted to writing about the annual FDCI/Lakme fashion shows. There is always some fight going on between Mumbai and Delhi designers which is highlighted. Reams of paper are devoted to how some Page 3 types, are leaving everything they are doing, to fly urgently to the concerned metros, so they can sit in the first row (reserved, if you please), wearing, what my mother would have called "shameless" clothes, and an expression that would make people think they are listening to a debate on the nuclear CTBT. These same people, change into more strange outfits every so many hours; and why not? Even something as sensible as NDTV has a fawning correspondent reporting on the appearance of the various queen bees and king moths, and their clothes and drinks.

All this for what ?

There is this longish stage sort of jutting out into the audience. Every designer has his or her special music playing. The audience is seated at a strategically planned lower level, probably at the ankle level of the parading models. I dont know about the FDCI, but when I was in elementary school, this kind of thing during any Annual Day would have got the parents into an uprising and the principal would have been fired. Ok. Its only children. The audience is only parents. But sitting at that level, and by default looking up someones skirt, is simply not done.

This is, of course, a non-issue at the FDCI. We're globalising, and these faltu things dont bother us.

And so what do you say about a girl, walking across the stage at an angle of 120 degrees to the horizontal; several degrees of amazing freedom created by pencil thin stilletoes; Her dress actually resembles a giant bib, (see the picture above ) like my son used to wear, when he sat in the swing hung on the balcony door, to eat his porridge. Except he wore a t-shirt inside; its not clear whether she wears anything inside, or not.

Then there is this lady who walks on to the stage next, wearing what reminds me of my grand uncle's pajamas. Except she has combined them with what i would define as my grandmothers saree blouse with only one shoulder and NO back. What is totally miraculous is the pajamas are worn BELOW the hips. And there appears to be a diamond stuck on to the navel. No wonder the lady has to walk with so much simple harmonic motion of the hips just to allow the pajama to stay in place. If she stops, they may slide, and she may have, what is these super globalised days, we call a wardrobe malfunction; my mother would have said that someone deserved a tight slap.

Sometimes these models appear wearing what looks like a pure balloon inspired dress. You need , around you, an empty space of at least 3 feet on all sides . Some of these dresses have no shoulders. Some only have sleeves, but no shoulders. The thing to do is to come fashionably in covered with your teenage brothers school blazer . These days its called a "shrug". You come on to the stage, give disdainful looks to a section of the audience, twirl, there is a clash of cymbals, and you remove the shrug; look ma, no shoulders !

They dont even let the saree alone .

Without the FDCI/designers et al, India has had a variety of saree draping styles, traditionally enjoyed by the women , over several hundred years. There is the Kerala Half Saree, the typical Tamil Nadu nine yard draping, the Maharashtrian nine yard grace, the various ways a six yard saree is draped, Marathi, Gujarati, Bengali, Marwari and what have you. All these styles have evolved with the emancipation of women from that particular region. A way of draping when you maintain the housekeys (bengali), a way of draping in front of elders, a way of draping and tucking in when busy with some physical work, and a way of draping when feeling cold....

I remember from my childhood, two distinct ways the 9 yard saree was draped. One way was favoured by the more active ladies, who cycled to work, and were PT teachers in schools etc. The other method was patronised by those more homebound, with less strenuous lifestyles. There is a third style patented by the Koli women of Mumbai; a sensible, no nonsense style that allowed you to comfortably work in water and land, where you needed to rush here and there, picking fish from heaps, sortng, loading, travelling in a hurry to the market through crowded trains etc.

Todays designers have no concept of Utility of dress. Precious stones are stitched on to whole sarees , which are instrinsically made longer in length, and thinner in texture. The sarees are wound several times (more than normal) before the paloo is flung over the shoulder. ( I cant see myself running to catch a bus in this. And I would discourage anyone trying to do that with so many precious stones attached) . Poor me; I still dont believe it when the salesman says its 6 yards, and make him measure it. I shudder at the lenghth I will need to measure here.

The other trick is to make it look as if no blouse is worn. This is achiieved by having straps on blouses. And then casually allowing your open hair to fall over it. Sort of a cross of Meena Kumari and Princess Diana. Sometimes, the purpose of the palloo is done away with altogether. How else will anyone see the pearl beadwork on the non trivial section of the blouse ? Models march across the stage holding their palloos widely away from their torso.

(Take a deep breath. Count up to 10. Temper under control). 20 years ago, someone would have thought she is in the process of removing the saree. No nice girls did that on stage. Today nice is a bad word.

Can you see youself going to work in your uncle's pajamas, and grandmother's saree blouse? Will a balloon dress put you at a superior advantage getting into bus no 392 going to Ghatkopar ? Will a thigh level frock combined with skin colored tights be ideal wear in Central railway second class ladies bogey? How do you feel about squeezing your way to the front of the bus (trying to get off) during the 7 pm rush hour, wearing a stomach skin displaying top on low rise jeans ? And do you dare to complain if you get advertantly or inadvertantly pinched in the process?

Is that off-the-shoulder dress going to be dangerous healthwise, given that you are standing in the doorway of a ladies compartment, half out of the door, and not likely to get a place to enter in till your station comes? Do you think the strategically placed slit at the back of your knee length skirt is a great aid for climbing into buses when several people behind you urge you to hurry up in cast the bus starts moving ? And why crib about the staring, observant person (in the seat next to where you stand, wearing your smart short top, displaying your considerable midriff) as you hang on to the oscillating overhead starps , on you way to college?

Somehow, in the effort at promoting originality, the individuality has been lost.

The question is who is all this for, and who is going to wear these clothes. And is this what we teach at the National Institutes of Fashion Technology?