The Guava Crisis....

Just came across this momentous piece of news.

Pakistani authorities  have arrested a monkey that had strayed across the border from India. 

Many things make news between India and  Pakistan, ranging from buses,  borders,  trains, ministerial talks, to  actors, actresses, singers, not to mention authors and writers, and yes cricketers.

But we do not "capture" these folks.

Yes, we  run after them, applaud them, crowd them, interview them,   make films with them, put them in TV shows,  and so on. The only folks who get treated differently, are those who arrive with guns, mostly surreptitiously, and sometimes , not so surreptitiously. 

While some events have necessitated guarding the borders in minute detail,  preventing infiltration by illegals, and  checking documents of those legal, through border posts, the concerned officials , are taking the entry of the monkey very seriously.


It seems the monkey entered  through he Cholistan area of Bahawalpore in Pakistan.
Cholistan is a desert area adjacent to the Thar desert area in India. This would have roughly qualified as an extension of Rajasthan, had partition not happened in 1947, when we got our Independence, and Pakistan was created.

It is possible, that in this dry weather , the monkey may have ventured northwest  in search of water. It is also possible, that the parents and grandparents of this monkey had not educated this fellow, about the Politics of Partition.

  Locals in Bahawalpore saw it, unsuccessfully tried to capture it, and then called security.  The poor monkey,  designated as Bobby by the Paksitanis , is now in zoological custody .


How do you know the monkey is from India ? Did it carry any documents ?  Did it have an Indian passport ?   Did it speak with an Indian accent ?  Did it ask , "Do you know who I am ?"  Did it have an RFID ? 

While officials in Bahawalpur are tight lipped about this, every effort is being made to  ascertain whether the monkey was acting alone, or was it a part of a new infiltration scheme.  Pakistan is using Google Earth to study the  network of trees with big branches  along the border, and plans are a foot  to   demand that these trees either  be trimmed or removed, to prevent further Simian Swings. Unfortunately,  the Google Earth pictures on the Indian side, hitherto clear , are currently fairly hazy .....

A committee of expert doctors in Pakistan have ascertained that the age of the monkey is 4 years, and he has currently been housed in the Bahwalpore Zoo, with another monkey, Raju, who is a Pakistani national.

A comprehensive Monkeyscan was conducted on the monkey, Bobby, to ascertain if he was carrying anything else besides his anatomy.  The President  has appointed an special investigation  committee (SIC)  and the Indian High Commissioner to Pakistan has been called for a meeting by their Foreign Office.

In the meanwhile,  certain sections of the  media in India have been reporting on a certain pigeon that had strayed into Indian airspace a few years ago and was captured, and how it was investigated by the authorities for being a carrier of messages. No one knows where that investigation report is....

Hardliners in both countries are insisting that the secretary level talks be kept in abeyance till the real facts behind the "arrested monkey" emerge.   The Indian Parliament was once again adjourned  as no one from the ruling party was able to give satisfactory answers on the Monkey episode, or MonkeyGate , as it is being called now.

Breaking news :

BNN-ICN is reporting that thanks to a cousin of Julian Assange  who has a doctorate in  Simian  Communication Systems  ,  the zoo authorities (where the monkey is in custody), were able to tap the conversation between the Indian Monkey Bobby and Pakistani Monkey Raju, over several days.  Bobby is supposed to have confided to Raju, that he had learned that Bahawalpur was famous for Guavas, and thought this was a good time to generally take a tour of the region, and get his fill of the fruit. But alas,  his greed ended up being his  problem, he was caught and localised to this zoo.

The only thing is , now that Julian Assange is like persona-non-grata here, no one in the government wants to believe  this.

I wonder what the world has come to when a small monkey hankering after a guava can trigger a crisis.     

Sigh.

Disclaimer : Other than the real news of a monkey being arrested  for trespassing, and stories about the pigeon long ago, everything else is the result of exercising the imagination, and any resemblance to anything in real life, is entirely coincidental, and plain magical . 


 Most of these observations are a result of the intense glossal movement in the mala or bucca. Those rolling the Occuli to Google for help.

The Post-Chew factor

I did a post on chewing gum once. Waxed , (what I thought, was ) eloquent , on the attitude, the poses, the defiance, and assorted observations peripheral to the actual mechanical action. Turns out that I was really only half informed.

The proof of the gum is not in the chewing but in the post-spit utility.

Chewing gum has amazing uses, after you have chewed it copiously.

You can fix leaking radiators with chewing gum; if you are unable to afford a stapler, two sheets of some important paper can be held together in gummy glory; you can use it as window putty to seal gaps in windows; you can use it as a retrieval technology, by applying it to the end of a stick , which is then used to pick up things. It is also touted to improve long term and short term memory if chewed constantly, and also touted a s a digestive aid, that gets the saliva going. And just in case you are the artistic type, nicely chewed gum, is often amenable to be used as sculpture material.

In short, its adhesive properties are amazing.

Some one else has been thinking along these lines too.

Ten months ago, our Union Finance Minister came to know about 16 places in his office which looked like something had been stuck there with an "adhesive". Since the choice of rooms and offices was of some significance, he wrote to the PM, and asked him to conduct , possibly a secret enquiry, about this. Presumably this letter was not secret, and the secret enquiry was actually known to some folks, because soon after some unusual non-routine sleuthing folks descended down to check out the 16 places, they found only the adhesive. With markings on it to indicate that something with sharp edges was embedded there, earlier.

The country's official premier investigative agency, which was hitherto busy with 2G scams and analysing secret phone conversations, rushed over to investigate, and announced recently, that this was all much ado about nothing, and the stuff was actually chewing gum, stuck all across important desks and rooms.

Which makes you wonder. Why the embedded entities are not being mentioned.

Who visits the Minister ? Easily, that is ? Who is on great and backslapping terms with the assistants to the minister ? Do well known corporate folks walk in to see the Minister chewing gum on the side ? Or is it some everyday ministry person who comes to the conference room , no questions asked, and quietly sticks a heavily chewed wad beneath the table ? Can you imagine a captain of industry leaning over to respectfully shake hands with the minister, while the other hand slips and sticks something under the table as he uses it for support ? Or an assistant sort of letting a paper fall, and bending to pick it up, and doing the stuff with the chewing gum, as the important people smile and praise each other and sip tea ?

Who has been hiring the cleaning staff at the ministry ? Or is it someone so well known to everyone, that he never undergoes a security check, forget anyone asking him to open his mouth and do "aaaaah" !

September 2010 onwards, the ministry is probably , as they say, "seized" of matters relating to the budget, which is announced on Feb 28 every year. So it might be interesting to find out who visited the place.

It might also be interesting to find out if chewing gum played an important part in the 2G scam wire taps that introduced us to glamorous folks in high places, some of whom could be chewing gum with extra sticky properties.

Could this chewing gum thing be a smart move from folks trying to avoid entry security checks in government offices ? I've seen beeping doors , frisking folks and angry visitors, but maybe its time to now ask people to open their mouths, and do aah; confiscate any gum they may be chewing; and check their bags for more chewing gum.

Should the finance minister now tax chewing gum , in the next budget ? Is Wrigleys Chewing Gum company going through bad times, and is it being taken over by a powerful Reliable Indian company ?

Given that we have so many government sport functionaries who hold on to posts for more than 25 years (and counting), should someone investigate the role of chewing gum on chair surfaces ?

Why do I sense a clamour in Parliament for subsidised chewing gum for MP's? Is a new Chewing Gum factory happening in Amethi ? And is the Bharatiya Janata Party demanding a paan flavored chewing gum ?

Is Jairam Ramesh about to fund some research on biodegradable chewing gum ? Given that he has visions of so many powerful folks chewing and chewing away and then spitting ?

Are government cars being checked for chewing gum ? Wouldn't someone like to know what Minister A said to Minister B while returning from Jantar mantar ?

Are the Chinese already ahead in the field of Chewing gum detectors ? Is some minister's uncles' daughter-n-law's first cousin an importer of these ? Is someone going to make a huge killing in the supply of Chewing Gum detectors, which might be now mandatory in all government offices ?

Will these go the way of the CCTV's installed everywhere, which mostly don't work when you want them to ?

But maybe, just maybe, the chewing gum drama has highlighted something good.

Turns out that there is also a chewing gum meant for people addicted to cigarette smoking. (Though the government has backtracked on its promise to display pictures of diseased organs and cancer on cigarette packs, under pressure of the Tobacco lobby). This is being used all over the world as Nicotine Replacement Therapy(NRT). But it is expensive in India, and not yet part of the Tobacco Control Program. A May 2011 (note the timing) news report says that the Union health ministry is planning to ask National Pharmaceutical Pricing Authority to subsidize the price of nicotine chewing gums. We must be grateful for small things. Like chewing gum.

Don't know who manufactures it or what creative use will be thought of for this chewing gum.

Never thought there would be a Chewing Gum Crisis in government. But someone, somewhere has all the removed contraptions that were embedded in the 16 chewed pieces of gum stuck under the furniture in the Minister's Office.

Just wondering what's in those tapped conversations, and when someone might expose them.

Election time coming soon. Stay tuned for some sticky news.

P. S. Non political types wondering about artistic uses of spitting chewing gum, may see this .

Bigg Boss in the service of the Nation

It has occurred to me, an ordinary commoner, disgusted with the handling of corruption in the country, that some innovative solutions need to be looked at. And not all of the solutions, can be found in things like retired justices of Supreme Courts/High Courts, Joint Parliamentary Committees, Interlocutors etc etc.

It has also occurred to me, a stupid commoner, that the best way to nab a corrupt person, is to set another person with corrupt tendencies to catch him/her. Which should make for a very very interesting show given the rules.

The thing to do is to announce a special Bigg Boss season immediately. The rules of the Bigg Boss show allow a special house with many rooms to sit around and yak away, but just very few bedrooms and bathrooms. The rule says you must speak in Hindi, which throws up very interesting possibilities of candidate selection. Since you are not allowed to leave for any reason, and maintain outside contact, this will be more secure than those who sit in various different custodies of the law , police,judicial etc etc. And the best part, is that someone like the High Command, hitherto called the Bigg Boss, appears only as a voice that does individual interviews , asks for opinions , and finally issues its own edicts about who to throw out.

Main contenders for entry into the house would be Suresh Kalmadi, Sheila Dikshit, Sudhhanshu Mittal, Lalu Prasad Yadav, A. Raja of the DMK, Mayawati, Ashok Chavan, his ma-in-law (who he deleted as a relative), Raj Thakre, Jayalalithaa, Uddhav Thakre, Vilasrao Deshmukh, Ex Mumbai commissioner Jairaj Phatak, Sushama Swaraj. Various mothers-in-law, daughters , sons, can be added on later as and how required.

While the insistence on Hindi in the Big Boss house constructed in Panvel, Maharashtra, would make for interesting events with the Thakres inside, It will be interesting to see Kalmadi and Lalu bonding over crunches at the gym inside, with A Raja, urging Jayalailthaa to try the treadmill , and she giving him a distrustful look and checking out the speed setting.

Bathrooms, as per slightly older political history have often served as places to store the loot in secret compartments in the walls. Given the paucity of bathrooms in the Bigg Boss house, interesting conclusions can be reached by timing everyone's usage of the same, and the conditions of the walls.

While Sheila Dikshit, Sushama Swaraj, might bond at the kitchen counter , it would be interesting to see if Mayawati agrees to the Manuvadi idlis that JayaLalithaa might prepare. A Raja, uncharacteristically , a bit careful after his resignation, might watch Mayawati for any ill effects of the idli, before trying some himself, simply out of a sense of homesickness, though the possibilities of him enjoying Lucknow cuisine with Sheila Dikshit cannot be denied.

Lalu will be found sitting out in the sunniest part of the house, bare chested , feet up, on a chair, chewing away on his thoughts, as he tries to impress upon Suresh Kalmadi the need to include his son and heir Tejaswi Yadav in the Indian Olympic Committee, so he can learn from the bosses. Every time one of the Thakres ambles by , he will smile and wave, while spouting invective about communal forces. Ashok Chavan's mother-in-law will try and inch closer to Sudhanshu Mittal , thinking that only a tent supplier can now provide her a roof over her head, so cruelly denied to her , by fellows like Vilasrao Deshmukh, out to get her son-in-law, Ashok.

Since no outside contact is allowed, it will illuminating to see how the inmates appear to outsiders watching the serial. Possibilities of hundreds of Bihar and UP politicians watching for secret signs from their leaders cannot be denied. Something like, a scratching of the knee and spitting to the right by Lalu Prasad being a sign that folks needed to look in the lowest shelf of the cupboard to the right of the party office door in Patna. Or Kalmadi , waving his hands around to signify a helicopter, something to be kept ready for escape once he is out. A Raja, depressed at being away from his Relia-ble cronies, will be seen ensconced in a deep sofa, as if twice the gravitational force , 2G was in operation, and wondering if he got out just in time before 3G started acting.

Raj Thakre will practice his speeches in Marathi, with only Uddhav , Kalmadi, Ashok Chavan, Vilasrao Deshmukh and Jairaj Phatak for audience, since the rest won't understand. Mayawati will try and attend , in her effort to learn Marathi , and woo the Marathi Manoos in the next election.

The Big Boss , will actually be a lady. Aloof, up there, and with informers amongst the inmates. She will interview each inmate to get his or her opinion about the others, so that they can decide who and how many to evict. At the end of the day, she will listen to her "own conscience", pull some wool over her own eyes, and reach her conclusions with the help of her son, who has sneaked in as part of her security.

The nice thing is that all the hitherto corrupt types will be together in custody , keeping a keen eye on each other, and watched at all times by the nation, in the Bigg Boss house. They will eventually expose each other. And instead of spending on the various committees & investigations, you will actually have sponsors falling over each other to pay for this broadcast. As Obama is fond of saying, a win-win solution.

In the meanwhile, latest reports have indicated that Pamela Anderson of Hollywood and Baywatch fame, (where she does a 100 metre sprint into the ocean clad in a swimsuit of uneven proportions, chased by lifeguards) , was seen entering Bigg Boss house .

Sushama Swaraj was seen pursing her lips and shaking her head, Sheila Dikshit closed her eyes, Mayawati stood still as a statue, and while Lalu, Raja, the Thakres, the ex chief ministers, Suddhnashu Mittal, and the ex mumbai commisioner stood open mouthed and staring, Jayalalithaa was seen removing her voluminous cape, and rushing to cover Pamela Anderson with it.....

Further news is awaited...

Edited to add : I dont watch this show, and have simply observed it in the process of surfing channels. But Wikipedia mentions all the rules. While the recent government (nov 17th) rule about not broadcasting it in prime time, and relegating it to 11 pm slots is very welcome, in the above situation, it will simply serve to keep all the worthies out of public view : a typical quick way to get the stuff out of the public's memory....so what's new ...?

A Green life.....

I live , in what might possibly be the most wooded, residential area in Mumbai, meant for the hoi polloi; by that I mean, that we don't have prominent citizens residing here in huge houses, with elaborate security, and a ratio of house-to-yard , of the order of 1:50. But we are all hard working folks with jobs , and have worries like every other family in Mumbai, like the rising prices of gas, foodstuffs and education.

Cows are almost permanent residents of our area, since time immemorial, and know the campus like the back of their hoof. New students often wonder, as they emerge from a class and see a cow sitting outside the door, chewing the cud, and enjoying a relaxed morning, watching the "smart" bipeds rush around.

Since the entire area is not landscaped as such, we still have , what one may call pieces of virgin forest, and a lake which has crocodiles.

So it isn't surprising, that throughout the last several decades of my stay here, I have had occasion to hold my breath, at seeing a leopard flash by through the foliage, deal with 6 monkeys who entered my dining room on the 6th floor, and stare at a six foot cobra who lay across my path as I traversed the road to office, one sunny morning.


The leopard movement began when human encroachment happened in areas to the north, which were actually inhabited by these animals.

Our lake was a big attraction for drinking water. About 20 years ago, one night we were awakened by some fast motorcycles being revved and driven , on what was normally, a sylvan, quiet road on campus, on the banks of the lake, where we lived then. We rushed to the balcony , and were rewarded with the leopard flashing through the thick shrubbery, towards the lake , gold slicing through the dark, eyes momentarily glinting. Some students had heard about its whereabouts, the fellows were chasing around to see it, actually agitating the animal.

For a minute the motorcycles stopped outside. They pointed to the jutting promontory, and were talking of following the animal there on foot. I heard someone urge another to go, and the latter replied ," I don't think, I should, I am my parents only child !" :-) .

This conversation , heard in the quiet of the early dawn, was very illuminating.

By and by, the leopards explored various workshops and library areas on campus, and the students even designed cages in which they could be trapped and taken back to be released in the forest. The cows and stray dogs on campus breathed a sigh of relief. There was also the case of a guard in a building , nodding off, at night, near the elevator, at a lake side high rise, and opening his eyes just in time to see a leopard staring at him, forcing him into a silent scream and an immediate jump into the elevator, which he didn't leave till morning.

Monkeys of course move around, like us, in groups. They are fairly quick to urbanize, and have a keen eye on people who walk around with grocery bags. For some reason they love to spend their breeding season in our area, and it is not unusual to see older monkeys moving around in great style, with assorted junior family members, with a baby hanging upside down at the stomach , clutching on for dear life. When it is required, the baby will slide back to the monkeys back, and travel that way for a while.

I once had two different varieties of mangoes in a fruit rack on the dining table. One was the sweet , very expensive , Alphonso mango variety, and the other was a slightly cheaper, but tasty variety , called Pairi, which was the juicier one, but a bit less sweet.

A quiet Friday afternoon, and engrossed as I was, in reading something , I heard some thing , like someone fiddling around with jars in the kitchen. At first, I attributed it to the kids, but then the continuing noise alarmed me. I came out to the living-dining area, to see a floor full of peeled, half eaten Alphonso mangoes on the ground, a monkey dedicatedly, with single minded attention, trying to finish off one more, at the entrance to the kitchen, and one big and one small monkey fiddling around with the jar of peanuts in the kitchen.

I was dumbstruck, and was trying to rush to my son's room to call him , when I saw another monkey, sitting on the keyboard of the desktop in the adjoining room. Just outside , at the window , were two more monkeys , trying to get in, trying to cash in on the general bonanza.

While a general wave of dismissal, elicited a teeth baring defiant hiss from the leader of the pack, we soon found out that if you banged some rod to make noise, it worked. In the next 5 minutes, my children and I made enough of a racket with steel plates, and glasses and rods , and successfully got rid of the marauders, who squeezed shamelessly back through the window grill.

What was interesting , was that the monkeys had made a complete hash of the Alphonso mangoes (the expensive ones), but left the Pairi ones untouched. Smart. And the computer had booted. I can just see the monkey resting on Ctrl-Alt, and looking down disdainfully to its right, and generally giving Del a bang, out of sheer disgust.

While the current apartment on the six floor has not allowed snakes to visit, our earlier lake front place was very popular with them. It was an old apartment, and some of the tiles at the edge of the living room had risen above the others, creating a gap. I recall trying to pick up what I thought was a blackish wire, at the corner of the room, only to have it slither and move as I got closer.

Then there were the cobras. They would slither across the road from the lake into what passed for a garden outside. They had an uncanny ability to blend in with the foliage as they lay still. We would often find the skin shed by the snake in the garden, and sometimes even in our balcony.

And I have once stood in the walkway to the outside road, staring at an almost 6 foot cobra blocking the 6 foot width of the path, as my household help lady stood on the other side, waiting to come in. The lady, the cobra , and I just looked at each other, waiting for someone to blink. Actually we blinked, and in that instant the cobra had slithered into the next garden.

Snakes slithering down roads as cars drove by was not an unknown thing. We have a lot of pedestrians, always on roads , and every time you saw a bunch gathered , pointing at something, you could be sure it was a snake slithering after a frog, or just doing its thing , showing off as it slithered behind a gnarled tree trunk. Some of the snakes even had favourite areas. And were observed frequently in these areas, by people , who pretended this was all very normal..

No one ever tried to kill any of these animals. Occasionally, a leopard who had climbed two floors on to a landing in a building had to be tranquilised. But it was then taken back to the jungle and released.

There is something about living in harmony, tolerance , and occasional irritation with these quadrupeds, and snakes.

But maybe these animals are now evolving. I am not sure in which direction, and whether it is positive or negative.

They are probably bored of academic institutions. There is just so much you can learn anyway.

Like so many other folks, they probably view politics as a more rewarding career .

Which is probably why, it seems that a snake was recently found at the Orissa Legislative Assembly, while the assembly was actually in session. (Orissa is one of the States on India's eastern seaboard; Mumbai is on the western coast.)

The snake, reported to be of the poisonous variety, was found at 8 am, Where ? By the press reporters table.

The speaker thought it fit to adjourn the house.

How boring.

From a life where folks gathered around to watch your every move, to a situation where they evacuate the hall as soon as you arrive .

I guess politics is a slippery choice, but probably not for slithering types.

Games of a different type वेगळी माणसें वेगळा खेळ ......

One of my most abiding memories from my childhood, is coming home from school, flinging the school bag, having a cup of milk with some simple snack, and then rushing out to play with my friends. I still remember some of the hiding places we had when we played a very involved game of hide and seek. Twice a week, our school had compulsory evening games for everyone. We thrived on netball, badminton, volleyball, and no one was a whiz or champion.

Parents then, frowned on bookish types rushing off to attend , say algebra classes, when they should be going to playgrounds, or similar exciting places. By and by, some of us took up some kind of formal coaching, like in badminton and table tennis. The emphasis was never on outfits and smart looks; just some decent no-nonsense practicing.

Weekends meant you got up even earlier, and went hill climbing. The icing on the whole thing was carrying fresh mom-made sabudana khichadi in a dabba and having it with your friends after you reached there.Once we even carried paper, paints, and brushes , (in addition to idlis and limbu sherbet), climbed the hill at sunrise, and sat and painted , what I still think, were amazing masterpieces, featuring the sun, the rise, and a minute spot of sabudana khichadi, in the corner. Regulars on the hill stopped by to admire our output, patted our backs and went on.

I never imagined the day would come when someone would come home from school and/or work, and sit down to play tennis on a PC Yes, there is this game called Tennis Elbow, where you can tell how many people are playing (singles/doubles), are they warming up, playing a match, what the strong strokes of each player will be, who is going to be the guy with big volleys and so on and so forth, all this followed by statistics at the end of the game telling you who made how many unforced errors, who served aces etc etc.

There is also Cricket, Billiards and Snooker. All on a machine. And so many people play Chess against machines, and possibly get angry with winning machines.

Today, thanks to television, sponsorships have become more important than a game. The more you watch, the more they sponsor the telecast, and vice versa. Cricket is being viewed by scores of parents , as time well spent, in terms of lifetime monetary returns; whether a child has a specific aptitude or not, cricket is King. Badminton, table tennis , and squash come a distant second. Squash occasionally rises a bit higher, because US universities value sports proficiencies while deciding on admissions.

Amazingly , however, Dahi handi , is now being treated as a special event sport. Folks wear t-shirts with team logos, their practice is documented and publicized in great detail, insurance companies rush to insure the climbing youth, who might just possibly involuntarily descend later. Opportunistic politicians offer 5 figure cash prizes to those taking maximum physical risk. (Thanks to the IPL extravaganza, reports indicate that , somewhere in North Mumbai, some politicians had recently organized a dahi handi with cheerleaders from east european countries doing their cheerleader acrobatics and "display" on a special stage, in minimal outfits, watched by goggle-eyed types, while somewhere nearby, the young and nimble footed Govindaas, tried to complete their pyramids and break the handi ). The publicity value , traffic disturbance , and chaos is tremendous.

While Dahi handi is NOT in danger of becoming an Olympic sport, it has occurred to folks that whenever there has been a political interference in sport, that sport has suffered, and the politicians have prospered. (With the sole exception of cricket, where everyone has prospered, or possibly the politicians have stopped being political. Maybe).

Whether its hockey, struggling like a fish with non functional and faulty Gills; track and field, boxing,wrestling, where parents move mountains to provide their children with nutrition, time and education; shooting, where the powers that be cannot find funds and proper lead times for ordering ammunition for practice, and even swimming, where this year there seems to be no Arjuna award for the sport, despite two guys swimming their hearts out in the face of zero encouragement to their sport; the politicians have appropriated it all

In the old days, one never saw so many young people "hanging around" on the periphery of "politics". Till it became a game.

Actually, in India , the biggest sport is politics.

Observe the rush of people vying to be a part of it. It needs hardly any physical expertise, other than the ability to bend ,blend, and appropriately exercise the wrist flexors, extensors, pronators and supinators muscles , in an effort to blindlessly applaud. Never mind who.You need an ability to walk vague distances, shouting something or the other. Occasionally exercise your unpuffed triceps to fling stuff at some one's house or police.

As you advance further in the sport, you learn to distribute much more than plagiarized speeches, and blatant lies. You actually start dealing in what really matters. The medal of a good politician : money . Ability to flaunt this gets you power. Make roads where some actually exist. Buy machines you don't need. Including buses and cars. An ability to bring religion into everything is an added plus. Appropriate public "exercises" help. And never mind that someone you helped won something. The picture on the hoarding , MUST be yours. The aspiring winner.

Cut to Olympics 2028 .

Doordarshan types , droning on, India having just won 5 gold medals in Synchronised Bending and Flitting,Laryngeal Calisthenics, Hide,Hide and Seek, Parade Wandering and the like....

Oh my ! Sir Abhinav Bindra, Olympic Chairman is walking up to award the medals, and ....who is that guy with white hair and paunch, getting the gold? ....

Beta, pass me my glasses, will you ? Now that I am 80, it gets a bit difficult to get up as well as see..... And i keep forgetting . But didn't I see that guy in Parliament a few years ago ?