Chronic Croritis****

Words fail. Mouth agape. ( In keeping with the shape of zero. The key to converting nothing to crores).

But the finger types on. We have become a nation of extremes.

Another nation twitches its eyebrow over one of our border states, and our PM puts off his trip there. The same nation goes into a frenzied tirade about a torch related to their forthcoming Olympics, and the Indian Ministry of External Affairs , sits back, eyebrows arched in importance , with eyes closed, as the Chinese Ambassador, in an unprecedented breach of protocol creates history , by being the first high level diplomat to tangle with a overly eager-to-please New Delhi Police.

The Indian Olympic Association, which specializes in sending more officials than athletes to the Games, year after year, decides to run a torch relay for itself, and the public be damned. Barricades, barbed wires, rod wielding, 18,000 police and 50 national security personnel (in a cordon around each runner) , guarding the route of 2.5 kilometres.

A chosen lot of 70 runners will do the torch relay, swearing eternal allegiance to Samsung, Lenovo, CocaCola, and maybe, just maybe, the Indian Olympic Association and Olympic Movement . From a torch relay run of 32 kilometers in 2004, watched and applauded by men, women and children, this will be like doing a sophisticated passing-the-parcel every 30-40 metres or so. With tens of thousands of securitymen dressed in track suits lining the path, applauding as ordered....(while another tens of thousands of securitymen, chase the Tibetan protesters, who are simply having a torch relay of their own, some distance away, in what I thought was a free and democratic country)

Who pays for this ? Well, don't ask. National Prestige is involved.

When the government has no funds to improve the abysmal living conditions for policemen, no funds to enhance the living conditions in our highest security overcrowded jails, no funds to buy ammunition for the Olympic shooters for practice, no funds for badminton shuttlecocks for the national team, and no funds to give airfare to a champion woman carom player representing the country abroad, we need to redefine National Prestige as National Shame.

Crores are allowed to flow through without any results or accountability. Meetings, flights, ostentatious displays, expenditures for individual offices , security for laughable relays. At one time, one hesitantly talked about lakhs. Today, everything is in crores; costs, rewards, people, fees, contracts..... Stupid me.

Is it a complete coincidence that the other travesty in Crores, IPL, otherwise called Itna Pakad Lo, is to begin the next day in Bangalore.

Every single cricketer "who counts" (as a player, not money), is injured or close to it, thanks to the factory type slogging playing schedule the BCCI sets up , in a cruel effort at shoring up the crores. Cricketers who made weedy comments, cricketers who spat into their hands and discussed their integrity, are now, thanks to the shining crores, talking about the sportsmen from various countries getting closer. Discussions of the Simian variety take a back seat, as the crores blind some.

While stock markets fall, inflation rises, industrial production falls, I wonder if this has to do with industrial houses dealing in cement,telecommunication, liquor, textile yarn, construction etc finding enough crores in their pockets, not only to pay crores to expert flingers and hitters of the red cherry, but also to import a bunch of dancers to teach us Indians how to enjoy a sport. (The BCCI filled its coffers till today, thanks to the Indian audience that braved badly designed , infrastructureless, unorthopaedically and unergonomically designed stadiums; as the just imported Washington Redskins cheerleaders would (never) say, "man, we don't need no dancers....").

As if this is not enough, everyone who acts in Hindi movies is now being paid, what else, crores, to depict improbable personalities in unreal situations, with dances in minimal clothes thrown in. In case you think that's a saving, the costumes actually cost a crore.

Do we have a lack of entertainment in this country ? We produce the largest number of movies, play cricket for maximum number of days a year resulting in the richest cricket association in the world, we have the largest number of impoverished sport associations in the country, we are probably the largest set of mobile phone users in the world. While we bask in the glory of 3 more IIT's and how it has become a brand across the world, we are probably the backbenchers, when childhood and women's literacy levels across the country are concerned.

What to do. There is a crunch.
Of money.
In some places.
We are like that only.

In other places, money is today being flung around in a frenzy, as if it is going out of fashion. What this will do, is affect the psyche of those who still , well entrenched in the middle class , correlate efforts with rewards, in daily life , that is.

Not under lights, not under police protection, not on television, not on any kind of show.

Maybe these folks know something Richard Armour once said

That money talks

I'll not deny,

I heard it once:

It said, "Goodbye."

****P.S. Apr 18, 2008. Read Mini T20 at North Pole to know how some people are still immune t0 the epidemic of croritis. Way to go, Indian Navy !

Torch runs of a different kind....

Ten thousand and more moons ago, when we were still the "next generation" (currently, we belong to the older variety), running was associated with stuff like running for buses, running from a herd of sneezing bulls or a pack of mad dogs, running to catch trains which had suddenly altered departure timings, running to catch forgotten school stuff which our brethren flung at us from a first floor balcony, and such mundane stuff. The most wildly exciting form of running, which was practiced in dramatic style in movies, was running away from home. For square and gutless folks like me, that was never an option.

Today running is a political statement. Allowing an unhindered Olympic torch relay to happen is a political statement. Allowing protest regarding the torch relay , is another political statement.

It has nothing to do with the sport of "running" per se.

In the original ancient Olympics, there was a flame, but there was NO torch relay. In its original form, the Olympic flame was lit at the beginning of the Games, and it continued to burn throughout the games. It was doused at the conclusion of the games. Any kind of running with torches, was actually a public relations event, where capable chaps ran through cities in Greece announcing the games, and inviting the populace. While there were Gods-of-honor, like Zeus associated with the games, it isn't clear if the games had an entry fee, whether the public paid to get in, whether the temple staff went in free, etc etc.

The first torch relay was held in the 1936 Berlin Olympics, where a person called Carl Diem, decided to organize a relay transport of the Olympic torch from the site in Greece, to the Berlin Stadium. Hitler was to preside, and his minions convinced him about the games being THE place to highlight German and Aryan supremacy. A German (Aryan) athlete ran with the flame. The country went all out and "Jews not wanted" signs were ordered to be removed from tourist attractions. The Ministry of the Interior directed the Berlin Police to arrest all the gypsies and keep them in special camps; the clean, white, superior Aryan games would not be sullied with visions of impure gypsies.

In these modern times, the Torch travels by various modes of transport, like planes, ships, cars , buses and human runners. Governments give high priority to this trip of the torch. A few symbolic athletes are involved. In some countries like ours, it is a place for political games and oneupmanship, as you stand on a dias, high-up, applauding the carefully selected favoured runners, chortling to yourself as you pose next to the current powers that be, thinking about the event organization and commercial profits-to-be.....

Tibetan people have used this occasion to highlight their plight . Amidst varying opinions about whether this way of protesting is acceptable, one cannot help think of what would have happened if the imprisoned gypsies in Hitler's Olympics had protested, or been allowed to have their say. But Germany then was NOT a real democracy; Hitler dictated. Today, China is NOT a democracy, and communists rule, with as iron a fist as any, particularly when it comes to the religious Tibetans. History appears to be repeating itself. Maybe we need a Tibetan Jesse Owens.

But. There is another kind of Torch Relay happening.

Special Olympics are held throughout the world, to encourage differently abled people to participate in sports. A sports festival where participating is as important and as much applauded as winning, the torch relay here has been used as a fund raiser in the form of a The Law Enforcement Torch Run.

Initiated in 1981, by Richard LaMunyon, Police Chief of Wichita, Kansas(USA), who foresaw an urgent need to raise funds for the success and awareness of the Special Olympics (for very special people), the Torch Run was soon adopted by the International Association of Chiefs of Police (IACP). Across the world, this is the largest grassroots fundraiser, as well as a public awareness event , and they have raised up to 30 million dollars in 2007,

Close to 85,000 law enforcement officers/police carried the torch as the "Flame of Hope" across 35 nations, raising awareness and funds for Special Olympics. Police officers and Special athletes participate in torch runs, wherever Special Olympic local events are held, leading up to the main Special Olympics. Funds are generated through various things like a "adopt-a-cop" runner sponsorship, Special Torch Run T-shirt sales, corporate sponsorships, golf tournaments , pledges for running policemen, and every two years, law enforcement officers from around the world gather to carry the "Flame of Hope" in a Law Enforcement Torch Run Final Leg in honor of the Special Olympics World Summer or World Winter Games.

India does send athletes to these Olympics , and does very well, medals and all

. We never hear of a hue and cry being made . by the powers-that-be, over these "torch runs" . Maybe that's because its never about making or winning points, but all about participation. And about rejoicing in the win of your fellow athlete. No Pepsi, no Cocacola, no Samsung, no scheming, no politics , no announcing rewards in parliament ,no nothing.

We have politicized the Olympics. Like in Cricket, money dictates attitudes. You cow-tow to countries smitten by trade agreements, price of oil, their support at the UN; all , with a fine myopic blink at their country maps, where they claim a part of your country as theirs......

All this thoughtless running. For reasons of power. Not what Olympics is all about.

Shakespeare probably never did sprints or marathons. But he anticipated things when he said:

We may outrun

By violent swiftness that which we run at,

And lose by over-running.

The Middle Inheritance

Overcome as I am, with my surge of inspiration enabling me to give a Ludlumian flavour to the title, let me just say that for a long time it has become apparent to me that irrespective of the various boundary conditions one may be forced to encounter in one's life, the only feasible path for a sensible person, living with eyes wide open, is a middle path.

Notwithstanding the boring, unexciting and dull connotations one associates with the word "middle", jiggling one's cerebrum indicates several ways of hitting a "middle" path.

You can stick like fevicol to the straight and middle path , or you can swing in wild non-simple harmonic style, go through emotional and other peaks and troughs,in effect, asymptotically approaching a middle path, sort of dithering across the middle with lesser and lesser amplitude.....

Sticking to a middle path in life, prioritizing objectives, trying to shoulder various family responsibilities, folks are generally forgiven a few secret stray sinful swipes on the leg and on sides (as they say in cricket), with modest (but sometimes tumultuous) reactions, as they learn , about what we call the wonders of life.

Their children are often found listening to FM chatter on a 10 year old radio with a half broken dial, as they study for their impending tests. Folks in these house purse their lips when they see their child gravitating towards jeans costing eight hundred rupees(only), on the quarterly shopping trip to the Mall. A single pair of pants, simply should not cost more than your monthly milk. A daughter emerging with a neckline that obeys Issac Newton's laws, is told in no uncertain terms to forthwith change. These folks do not offer Colas and biscuits to visitors. Its all about limbu sherbet, chaklees and bakarwadis; on a festive day, maybe an ecstatic ladoo....

Observe some others, where modern monetary floods have led to behavioural excesses.

These folks emerge from backgrounds where parents have seen a near vertical rise in their economic status leading to wild lifestyle swings. Kids in such families are experts in propagating the "I need" syndrome. A family outing is a mother with her head demurely covered accompanied by a daughter in a low waist pair of jeans, exhibiting layers of stomach, or a son with pair of torn "hanging" jeans, characterised by a now-they-fall-now-they-don't waistline. Kya karein. All their friends are like that only....

They change cellphones more frequently, than they cut their nails. Communication with another individual consists of messaging with atrocious spellings, and very often they may be mistaken for mad people as they walk around talking to themselves, on what is called their hands free cellphone attachment.

They either fare disastrously in exams, get depressed, get medically treated (as a prestige issue), without thinking, or they join tuition classes that cost so much that some people pay that much as a deposit on a single room accommodation they rent. These kids get cars for their birthdays, and it doesn't matter if they do not have a driver's license. The high end money hype, is matched by the low end relationship they have , with their families for whom they have no time. It is so much more important to "hang out at hot places with hotter people", and "chill". The extreme oscillations across the middle, even appear in the language :-)

At some point reality bites. Counselling is the order of the day. And they slowly and finally get dragged to the middle and straight path. Which they try and keep to , as they fluctuate wildly across the axis, troubled to find the mean(pun intended) middle.

Life replicates these swings to both extremes.

Bottled water is now a "necessity". Covering bore wells, dug for providing water to a village , is not. In one case a bottle is thrown away. In another, a little girl falls into the open bore well pit while playing. We operate in extremes.

60 miles north of Mumbai, news reports indicate maximum malnutrition deaths amongst children . 60 miles on the other side a pharma company , having an almost zero social spending budget, spends several lakhs for a 10 second TV commercial about fairness creams, and their big boss appears on stage , standing next to the current hit star, who charges a couple of crores to sneeze on screen. Vicks ki goli lo ? Nah. Too middle class.....

More and more Indians, lug their name brand suitcases (somewhat identical to something I got in Somwar Peth), as they sigh and stand on the airport escalators, bored as they go on their fourth trip to Bangkok. Yesterday, a BEST bus driver on duty , with a busful of passengers, on one of Mumbai's most congested and badly modified roads, died of a heart attack, as his body, struggling to make ends meet, working long hours, eating whatever was available, slumped over the steering wheel, giving up on the apathy of those who have failed to make quality-of-life better for simple folks.

My household helper's daughter has to face hoodlums' comments as she returns after a hard days work everyday, constrained as she is, to stay in a certain locality, and unconcerned and unmotivated, as the police are, in looking into this thing. But , in the name of national security, a posse of 37 police in various uniforms, lounge outside, and accompany families of certain so called leaders of Mumbai, as their children attend school, and wives attend kitty parties. They are perceived to be in danger, my bai's daughter is not. Extreme myopia . Or should we upgrade to blindness.

Can sports be far behind ?

A single chap wallops his way to a tricentury against South Africa. The theory of finding a middle path demands that we swing to the other extreme, and prove that in the next test, runs are counted in tens and twenties, and a three digit score for the whole team is a distant prospect. Never mind. As some say, Form is non-existent, Class is extreme.

Hockey , a national game (was that an extreme classification ?), just ceased to be national after we bowed out of the Olympic qualifiers, riding on the euphoria of previous medals. No one worried about a minimum level of international proficiency. We await the swing back to the middle path.

After our shooters got Olympic silver and gold in Athens, four years ago, today, there is nothing to shoot, as the governmental sports setup is unable, unwilling and unconcerned about sanctioning money for ammunition, for 3 years.

There is something stable about maintaining a middle path, that requires a sustained and intelligent effort. The earlier generations of Indians followed this as a concept, which is why their descendants today work and study across the world, heads high. Us.

More developed nations, earlier went through the pangs of prosperity that we see in India now, and an entire generation has come up there today, that is being replaced where it counts, with people who came from the third world .

There is a lesson in this. Exciting as it is for young minds today to soar wildly , we need to leave them a "middle inheritance", that our parents left for us. The wildness and greatness of a mental flight is measurable only if a stable middle base exists.

(Like my badminton coach used to tell us, 40 years ago, "move all over the court to retrieve shots, run, but after every shot, quickly get back to a central court position; the ideal way to attempt every shot is to take off from the "middle....")

But is anyone listening ?

A Grand(ma) commentary on the state of cricket circa 2008

My elderly aunt from Pune (who had some questions about Brangelina in Pune earler) was visiting us. A typical, naturally superior Punekar, she is not a fan of Mumbai weather. That being so, and given that she is enjoying the eighth decade of her life, she spends a lot of time indoors, some of it , watching TV.

Living with a typical Mumbai middle class family with a single TV connection, and several cricket mad members, sometimes she is forced to watch cricket, instead of, say, an old marathi movie. Being intrinsically a smart lady, she learns new things very fast. This time she ended up watching the CB series finals(with all the associated commentary), which she did with great enthusiasm, quietly lighting the diya in the puja room when India had 2 overs left to bowl. (Imagine hundreds of grandmothers doing this across India, and you start sympathizing with the Indian Gods, all 64 crores of them...).

Basically interested only when Tendulkar is playing, she is firmly convinced that in particular , guys like Symmonds and Hayden are up to tricks, and are basically, bullies. And the less said about Ponting, the better it is. She doesn't trust him.

She finds this whole auction stuff confusing. Have we sunk so low that we now sell people ?

"All this drinking of Bournevita and Boost, riding motorcycles ,playing cricket on top of municipal buses....they earn so much. Where was the need to sit around and get sold like cauliflower ? " she asked, simultaneously disdainfully throwing cucumber peels into an already burgeoning trash bag, a fine example of her multitasking capabilities while watching cricket.

Someone tries to explain the IPL and ICL stuff.

"You mean they actually paid so many thousands to the guy who started the nonsense in Sydney ? Someone called him a monkey and he went crying to the judge ? Who gave which bad words to who, and our newspapers have nothing else to report ?

We tell her its not thousands , its hundreds of thousands, even crores....

"For what ? And why get the supercilious chap who keeps chewing and spitting stuff the whole day ? All, that chewing and spitting stuff into your palms and rubbing them. Chee. "

By mistake she once saw an ICL match in progress.

"It wont work"

"Where is the need to have girls is missing clothes, dance to show what's missing, everytime someone hits beyond the fence? Are they hitting the boundary to bring attention to whats happening at the boundary line ?"

Then she read in the newspaper about some team from the south planning to display Indian dance moves at the boundary line, to "honour" our "culture".....

"What have we we come to? Vinasha kalay viparita buddhi......I remember someone trying to have classical sitar performances in one of the fancy restaurants at the Taj at one time, and how everyone crticized the move. And here we go , doing tirakita-dha on the boundary everytime someone whips the ball past the white line. Do you ever see anyone performing ballet moves and piroetting behind the goal post when a goal is hit at football matches in Italy? "

What completely gets her aghast is the people who are supposed to be buying these teams.

"Looks like you have to be a dancing actor, a modern actress, a daruwala (sorry Mr Mallya, thats what she calls you), or shining industrywallah to have a team of your own. I mean I have heard of people buying and gifting jewellery, clothes, even houses to family members. Do we now look forward to news items that scream across headlines saying "XYZ of PQR industries buys Yuvraj Singh for the team, to commemorate his daughters engagement or something ?"

Then there is this thing of Shoaib Akhtar. Doesnt impress her at all. All show, and more trouble, is how she describes him. Fails to understand how he was a choice in the first place, forget someone bidding for him.

All this fuss for 44 days of the year ?

"Our team was playing cricket so well recently. Such a good example and inspiration for little boys. Work hard, don't get distracted by stupid idle talk on the pitch. And then they spoil it all by selling themselves for money.

She thinks all matches should be like the CB Series Sydney and Brisbane finals. Indians playing as Indians, Australians as Australians; each playing proudly for their country, and not primarily for money. No need to have weird mixed teams.

And like she says, putting a totapuri mango in a hapoos basket, doesn't make the totapuri mango a hapoos.

But there is just one thing that bothers her no end.

How can anyone think they can BUY Sachin ?

*****Another little girl grows up....

I remember her as a little chubby girl in a cool looking ,radially flaring summer frock, holding on to her mother's hand, and walking, alongside her , with a definite purpose. Skipping along a road dappled with the rays of the evening sun trying to venture through the lush foliage , she was probably just immensely pleased, that her mother was home from work.

One word that simply shouts to be heard in her case, is confidence. She always had, and continues to have, oodles of it.

A girl who did very well at school, not just in studies, but also revelled in perfomances on stage. My children went to the same school, and, as is the tradition , all of us parents religiously appeared once a year in a huge auditorium, and watched in wonder as they sang, danced, acted, peformed, and went smartly striding up on to the stage to collect their annual awards, academic and otherwise.

A vision in a white sari, next to a statue of Lord Krishna, oblivious to the chattering of first grade types in front, and fake smart types at the back, she acted out her Mirabai role , full of concentration and attention to the music; several minutes later, she was back, school uniform and all, going over to the podium to accept her academic awards, to the complete amazement of the chief guest.

Many moons later, now a senior at school, she faced a very different exam in life. She now had a younger school going brother, of an age, where listening to elder sisters is something you did not happily do. The elders in the family were involved in handling a medical situation, which would take some time to resolve. She was old enough to know the significance of the problem, and wise enough to realize that the best way to help, would be to manage everything in the house herself, so her parents did not worry.

So, while an entire generation of school seniors , got fussed over by family members, tiptoeing around the house, making tea at unearthly hours, and snacks on demand so as to enable the seniors' blood-glucose to cross the blood-brain barrier and aid in igniting the spark of knowledge, this little girl, attended to her academics, managed the kitchen, supervised the staff, and most important, was always there, for her little brother, anticipating what he needed. Household help existed, but there wasn't anyone then at home who could wait and rustle up some stuff for him at odd times, and she did that too, between thinking about polynomials,conjugation of verbs, and electron energy levels.

And she studied and managed the house, and excelled at both. Once in a while, my daughter and I would run into her on a visit to the local temple. Probably there, to have her own conversation with the One who Sees , she would be sitting down for a short rest before a trek back to a worried house. My daughter was much younger, more enamoured of the temple prasad, unashamedly hankering after it, and this girl always made her feel that , it was ok to be that way. My daughter never had a clue, that behind the wide grin and twinkle in the eye, was a worried mind.

Early summer, found us at the pool, where we would occasionally run into her. My daughter was learning to swim, doing better than average, and I like to think that some of it was due to genuine encouragement from this girl, who actually had interesting conversations with her, about the various strokes and tricks one could do in the pool.

By and by , it was springtime, the sun shone again, health issues were resolved, and the family was back together. The little girl had grown up in more ways than one. She had had a unique training in recognizing a problem, and then solving it. (She would need that later, but for problems of a different kind).

She went on to college and did engineering. Unlike most girls her age who spent hours negotiating public transport woes of this city, she stayed in her institute hostel. We moved house, and her way home from college , most weekends, took her past our building.

We would often cross paths, as i needed to travel some distance for my daughters new school, and for someone who excelled at studies, was a top ranker , and considered a promising student, she had an amazing empathy for another young girl, who was still coming to terms with what society called inabilities of the academic kind. In a closed society, where there are supposedly more doctorates per square metre than elsewhere, and less understanding about "underachievers" than elsewhere , it was refreshing to meet someone who seemed to know that there are different types of successes, not all academic.

She is now pursuing a doctorate herself in the Queen's land. Those in her field take great delight in her progress. Its not enough to be clever; you need to be able to communicate your immense knowledge at all levels of proficiency. And today she finds herself as the Resident tutor, teaching the British youth , all about pressure, flows, obstacles, eddys, resistances, and how to handle these, academically.

She should know. She has learnt how to study and predict the various flows in life.

Today, she stands , resplendent in her silks, waiting for the young man, who went to college with her, and then onwards to England. Both worked very hard, and will continue on for a doctorate. In the meanwhile, the hall resounds to the chatter of excited relatives, glistening in their silks, with a whiff of jasmines and sandalwood pervading around.

She stands , surrounded by her family, in a paithanee and jewels, in the vividly decorated wedding hall, waiting for the young man to arrive with his family, on the Big Day. There is a constant chattering of relatives, folks moving around offering glasses of cool drinks; her mother, in an effort to handle conflicting emotions, trying to balance the "acquisition of another son" (as they say) vis-a-vis a departing daughter and assorted grandmother types, lifting their kanjeevaram palloos, to surreptiously wipe their eyes, as the prepare to witness the wedding of a wonderful girl.

Indian weddings and jewellery , go hand in hand.

And I would like the young man to know, that he is getting the best jewel out of them all......

With our Blessings.

*** An earlier blog about another little girl was "The little girl grows up..."

National Invasive Weeds Awareness Week , Washington, D.C. , February 24 to February 29, 2008, and its relevance to M. Hayden Esq.

Unrestrained and sometimes manipulated successes, have been known to affect the judgement and good sense, normally seen in sportsmen .

Some successes have to do with field performance. Some have to do with green (as in currency) performance. Today, it is not surprising to note that most "fields" are "green", and it is probably to be expected that more green the field, higher the level of invisible weeds that will exist.

Some weeds that could have been slightly invisible earlier, may simply become a permanent field fixture.

It is probably known that some weeds, classified throughout the first world as L. O. ("litila obnoxica" for those of you interested in the doosra details), tend to be very resilient, spread very innovatively in fields, particularly in the southern hemisphere. With global warming and other global stuff impending on the horizon, conditions are expected to very conducive to the spread of this weed.

The International Weed Science society is in talks to upgrade the weed "L. O" , to the category of a premium plant, thanks to its several doosra ball and teesra bat capabilities. .

At the same time, studies have indicated that another species, classified as B. P. B (Big Pompous Bush, to those interested in special connnotations of the word "Bush" , worldwide) , has been in trials for implementing in Asian farmlands. Although very popular in islands in the southern hemisphere, those who invested in the seeds for this BPB, and paid through their companies for them, are now wondering , if the fruits of this plant will be accepted by the general populace, after the mandatory 44 days growth period.


The Ninth Annual National Invasive Weeds Awareness Week is being held in Washington, D.C. during the week of February 24 to February 29, 2008 to bring people and groups from across the country together to focus national attention on the severe impacts caused by invasive weeds.

Amazing coincidence, that .


The website of the Weed Science Society of America , mentions under "resistance" , the following :

Resistant weed biotypes are a consequence of basic evolutionary processes. Individuals within a species that are best adapted to a particular practice are selected for and will increase in the population. Once a weed population is exposed to a herbicide to which one or more plants are naturally resistant, the herbicide kills susceptible individuals, but allows resistant individuals to survive and reproduce. With repeated herbicide use, resistant weeds that initially appear as isolated plants or patches in a field can quickly spread to dominate the population and the soil seed bank.

Did the Right ( or should we say, Wrong) Honorable M. Haydon Esq. of Australia know about this when he classified the cricketer from India as an "Obnoxious little weed ?" Don't know if the Rt honorable Mr Hayden Esq . attended college, but he needs to update himself on field research, having to do, with studying, weeds, plucking methodologies, composting, manure etc etc. Its more about technique , and less about arbitrary potshots ( native to educational set ups where bullying and ragging is the choice ).

In the meanwhile, I am not sure, if the subcontinental bowler actually had heard of Henry Labouchere, who said :

"I do not waste my time in answering abuse; I thrive under it like a field that benefits from manure..."

(Actually, I hadnt heard of Mr Labouchere either; but I know of someone in Australia, who needs to go do some courses at the Weed Science Society of America.......

Like the Father of the Nation said "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."

We await the last step.

The value of so many zeros.....

Zeros.

India discovered zero.

Some ancestor of mine, n generations ago, where n is improbably huge, went ecstatic over it in a scholarly way.

Carved as they are into one corner of my DNA, too many of these zeros , generally cause a sense of unease and anxiety.

They still boggle the mind. Mine, that is.

I have always looked, mouth agape, at people who talk about crores and millions , with a level of familiarity that I have with , say, tomatoes and potatoes.

Inflationary life has brought me into a certain level of familiarity with up to 5 zeros, but anything beyond that tends to cloud my already operational macular degeneration as I trudge towards completing the sixth life decade.

So it is with a sense of some frustration as well as derisive wonder that I read all this news about various cricketers across the world being "bought' for millions and crores by the Indian Premier League, otherwise considered the moneybags of the BCCI.

What does a million dollars mean to someone as ordinary as me ?

Maybe its the funding from the worlds leading IT company for free computers for India's municipal schools; it could be a much awaited funding for creating much needed transport infrastructure for the disabled; or it could be a very sorely needed finance for running the Learning Disabilities Clinic in Mumbai's premier public hospital, which actually would have had to shut down, till an industrial house temporarily pumped in some green adrenaline.

But NO.

To some industrial moneybags, who crib continuously about corporate taxes, while placing orders for their 5th personal aeroplane, being able to say "Dhoni, bought for a million dollars" , is an avidly anticipated "high". Having cricketers of "iconic status" advising them, kind of makes it fine in the eyes of the potential game audience.

Buying and selling dedicated cricketers, between sips of celebratory champaign, in plush 5 start environs, has further increased the myopic ignorance of these people who never read newspapers that report on the unavailability of badminton shuttles aborting the Indian team practice, or a 25,000 Rs shortfall stopping a carom champion girl from attending an International meet.

And lets not talk about hockey teams having to bed down on airport floors, and runners running with thighs scalded by boiling tea that spilled when too many people were accomodated in a place meant for half as many. And what do you say about someone who spends millions of Rs and minutes organising a swimsuit calendar with folks emphasizing everything else but swimming, while swimmers' parents are asked to fork out airfare for meets outside India, with a vague promise of reimbursement , and never mind that they represent the country...

That cricketing sportsmen, who came up through small towns, (still valuing their ordinary coaches who had extraordinary dedication), will now shift and play in towns with completely arbitrary culture, as "products" with a sell-by condition, is probably a confirmation that globalization is alive, well, and raring to take over .

While a nation came to a cricketing standstill as a result of Australian cricketing types abusing and falsely implicating one of our own, the main Australian culprit today is probably having the last laugh after hearing that he is the second highest "priced" player, over whom our moneybags fought.

Abuse ? Turning the other cheek ?

India's richness is its diversity. It is what makes things interesting. This mixing of cricketers from various regions, like the the Agricultural Produce Market Committee bidding for tomatoes from 3 different places, , ultimately reduces the price of tomatoes, but takes the zing out of allowing the consumers to enjoy the different tastes.

It's all happening in the name of money and speed. These guys are not playing test matches. They play the T20. Fast games, quick results, quicker money. The players, hitherto having cribbed about a crowded playing schedule leading to inadequate rest and injuries, have even signed away their wellbeing in medical clauses as part of this league set up. Play for 44 days for us every year. If you don't perform we will trade you like Harshad Mehta stocks.

What was wrong with playing as a country team ? Why negate the sense of national unity the team had naturally developed ? There are reports of some parents of players even cautioning their children about keeping their mind on the game and not on the money.

But it's difficult to take a position in a society which supports doing everything bigger, faster, and applauds its heroes who are paid by oil companies for appearing in their commercials ,saying a single word, "speed" , and then revving up those cylinders to race across the country, and the overall costs be damned.

One of India's greatest sons, way back in 1940's led the populace innovatively towards independence; no dictators, no flinging around of money, it was more "we" than "me"; and fifty years down the line, we enjoy the fruits and preen ,as folks call us the world's most successful and biggest democracy, while our neighbors still struggle to spell it correctly.

The effects of our money centric attitudes will be clear 50 years from now, may be even sooner.

The Great Man said "There is more to life than increasing its speed..."

He also said something else . "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever"......

In this great hurry to reach somewhere very fast, we, typically, are half learners.

International Outsourcing......is BCCI listening ?

Justice Hansen of New Zealand, himself, also the president of a Cricket Club, has said his piece.

A somewhat predictable end to a cricket field fight (having nothing directly to do with cricket, but everything to do with bad behaviour); a fight between players from India and Australia, respectively incensed and thrilled by the abominable umpiring by chaps from West Indies and England; a kachra level performance by a chap from South Africa, myopically functioning as a match referee. Finally a judge flies over from New Zealand to rap everyone on their gloved knuckles. Who have we left out ? Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh ....?

The game which started out as that played by the gentry in the Queen's land, folks in the pavilion gracefully applauding between bites of cucumber sandwiches and tea, (with a trip to the pub later), is now played in a modified cultural milieu, replete with spicy and alcoholic repasts..

Far removed from the time when Aussies and English verbally duelled on the pitch , in what my school teacher would have classified as gutter language, today, selective deafness, and advanced family and anatomical abuse seems to be a required qualification, in a game where , clean strokes, magical wristy flicks, spinning cherries, mighty sweeps, and asymptotic dives to block the ball, should have been the norm.

The advent of non-English speaking countries, the popularity of the game in these countries, and the rise of great players from these countries, has now introduced a factor, that the ICC with its stiff-upper-lip, loftily-perched -Anglo-based policy, needs to take a fast look at.

Once sledging is officially allowed under the guise of "playing hard and fair", you need umpires who understand what is tolerable and what is not. It will not suffice to have neutral umpires. Besides the rules of cricket, they will have to be well versed in choice abuse from all the countries.

A single match referee will not be enough. You will need a panel of chaps acting as match referees, so that there is one person from every country. Along with umpiring qualifications, folks will have to undergo multicultural sociological training. A comprehensive look at whats OK and what's not OK, depending on where the game is being played, between whom, during what part of the year.

This is where we folks from India are uniquely qualified .

With our amazing, unparalleled diversity of religions, languages, political parties, cross cultural understanding, and sometimes, purposeful non-understanding, as well as our capacity to live in a state of dynamic ,religious, economic, and cultural balance, we are uniquely set up to offer training to all the cricketing folks "who decide"..

The ICC should outsource this to India.

The BCCI can set up an International Institute at the Wankhede stadium, for the fine training of umpires and match referees. Now that doing things through video links has been successfully tried out during the monkey episodes, BCCI can even offer distance refresher courses, to those who forget all the bad words.

The trainees can then be taken on surprise tours of various vidhan sabhas where the speaker "umpire" has to often deal with non verbal communication in the form of flying microphones, chairs etc.

Situations that require facing dicey and unrelated reasoning can be handled by some folks from BCCI who specialise in confusing questions with answers .

One more source of income for BCCI. One more reason for some folks to gnash their teeth and crib about India's money power". One more somersault for people like Peter Roebuck.

And one more reason for someone like me,to hark back nostalgically, to her schooldays in a co-ed school, where school bullies always existed, rules were flouted, tearful and brave complaints were made, and the entire problem was successfully dealt with by the teachers, who used tough discipline, great understanding , and the active co-operation of other students to handle it, without making a song , dance and court case about it.

The Ratnas, Padmas and Sirs.....

Its that time of the year again.

Its time for the "granting of the favours" . Earlier it was more like "granting of the honours".

My childhood years were TV-less, Internet-less, but studded with the haunting sounds of the AIR (All India Radio, NOT All India Rank) signature tune playing in the early rays of the sun as we got ready or school /college and assorted games practice classes.

Vividh Bharati and Radio Ceylon did the film songs, and for a long time I used to think that Mohammed Rafi actually went to Ceylon to sing Actually , it didn't really matter, as that wasn't something that was on the parents approved-list of things to do, and so was enjoyed surreptitiously.

Newspapers were full of news, rarely sensations. There was a sanctity about high places and with those that occupied them. Republic Day honours often delighted everyone, and one's parents were often observed nodding their approval. If there was a desperate behind-the-scenes plotting or skirmish, one never heard or saw it. Consequently , we grew up with a healthy respect for those in high places.

My children today cannot say the same. Government has become an ocean of opportunities, all to be grabbed with hands, feet ,relatives, and anything else you can think off, and if you stop to think about rights,wrongs and rules, you would probably qualify for the Padma Murkha Award for that year.....

Republic Day has become a day on which one peruses the Padma Award lists to see how many and which people have succeeded , sometimes, not in their fields of work , but in the back-scratching-favour-returning sweepstakes.

This year takes the cake. The "Competition" for Bharat Ratna has hotted up. And to think that I always thought it was an inspired decision at the topmost echelons of government, seemingly removed from the brat-race.

Never have political parties , so blatantly put up their candidates to compete for the country's highest Award.

So far there was a massive lack of finesse in deciding the Padma Awards. That the Ratna Award should be haggled about , has severely demeaned its value, and if that's the way things proceed, then the award should be scrapped.

Witness how Advani proposes Vajpayeeji's name. You serious ? The combative left responds with Jyoti Basu's, only to have some theoretical communist types harrumph loudly and say they don't accept "State Awards"..... Madam Mayawati emerges from her state sponsored diamond encrusted birthday celebrations to demand that the founder of her party , Kanshi Ramji is really the only choice; get ready for a whole bunch of National Parks, maidans, colleges, universities, airports etc to be named after him. I only hope they leave the Arabian Sea, and Bay of Bengal alone.

With Madam in the race, can Mulayamji be left behind ? No siree. Bharat Ratna for him too. And never mind those court cases. They are almost like a qualification today. Accused but not convicted. And so , in a shameless manifestation of the "me too" syndrome, Laloo Prasad Yadav in a display of Bihari inspiration, nominates two leaders of his state posthimously in an alarmingly sudden manner; Jagjeevan Ram and Karpoori Thakurji ki Jai. Who are they ? Does it matter ?

Naveen Patnaik of Orissa, suddenly feels that it's high time his father Biju Patnaik is awarded the Bharat Ratna. That Tamil Nadu will surge forward with a nomination request for Karunanidhi is one of my few correct predictions. And I hear, that NT Rama Rao's daughter, who is, what else, a MP or a minister in Delhi, feels that her father is actually a "gem" of a choice for the Ratna Award.

What candidates ! What amazing choices ! And none of the above, can claim to be universally , nay, nationally , without reservation (was that a pun?) , admired .

Quiz the citizenry, and you get the real answers.

Why not Kumble, who came through in flying colours, when he handled the monkey business in Sydney. Dignified, serious, to the point, and very firm, he united the team as never before. His interviews and declarations would put a diplomat to shame. He allowed every Indian to hold the head high, and never mind who won the match. Applause came from across a cross section of cricketing and non cricketing folks. The spinner excelled as a statesman, and never mind those 600 wickets. Everyone admires him, with or without the cricket.

Why not Baba Amte, who singlemindedly brought dignity, self respect and success to those affected with leprosy, and created a haven, nay heaven for them at Anandvan, toiling away through an entire life, lately almost bedridden, without expecting any fruits of his labour, in the highest spiritual tradition ?

Why not Ratan Tata, the doyen of industrial India, who used available excellent Indian technical expertise to come up with a one lakh car, so that those forced to travel "quadruple seat", with children hanging on for dear life between parents on a single motorcycle, could have a safer option? (When his uncle the great JRD was nominated for the award, he(JRD) is reported to have wondered how he fitted in, as he was neither a politician , nor yet dead. .....)

Maybe the biggest hint has come from the Rt Hon. Gordon Brown Esq., Prime Minsiter of Great Britain.

Speaking at a function during his recently concluded official visit, he mentioned Sachin Tendulkar as a likely candiddate for a British Knighthood.

I suppose, while Mumbaicha Mulga, Master Blaster, Little Master, Khel Ratna, are all names dear to Sachin's heart, one more Ratna Award would be greatly appreciated, an accepted with great humility, maybe with a longish look at someone Up There , in the sky, who he always look up to.

About the Brtish Knighthood, all we can say, is , "Agobai, ata Sir Sachin ka ? Hmm."

A non-cricketing sociological take on the monkey business in Sydney

Two grown men calling each other names. What is worse, instead of slugging it out right there, mentally or physically, they run to the umpires. Whats still worse, the umpires, instead of decreeing a punishment to both, right there, simply run up to their own umpire, whose behaviour often reminds me, of that of the Lok Sabha speaker (when members physically intimidate each other with chairs, microphones etc) , which one inadvertently sees on TV while surfing. He is seen to be doing something, but in reality nothing constructive happens.

There is something to be said in favour of making people hold their ears and do sit ups, make folks stand in a corner for hours, be denied lunch, and write 10,000 lines saying "I will not abuse " etc.

Someone needs to do a sociology study related to cricket.

Why do Australians sledge so much ?

Is it a defense mechanism for something, despite their acknowledged superiority in various facets of the game ?

Why does Symmonds, the only non-white member of the team smear his face day in and day out with a white sunscreen, despite having, genetically, more melanin in his skin giving him better protection, than , say, Ponting ,Gichrist, Clark et al, who don't use so much, but can still give Kareena Kapoor stiff competition in the Safedi Complexion Sweepstakes ? They say the sunscreen company sponsors him, and money is the consideration.

Does it have to do with a self perception of being "different" , caused maybe, by some childhood experience , of being different in a white world ? Does this also explain the use of bullying tactics in the field, where actually the bat and ball should suffice ? Does it explain why a friendly pat of the bat of Brett Lee's back by Harbhajan, caused ONLY Symmonds to "dutifully" rush in to interfere, despite the fact that Lee wasn't complaining ? Does Symmonds have to try to be more equal than others ?

Harbhajan may have called him a monkey or even something worse. Actually, any word would have been OK with the Australians. The purpose was to create a situation where he wouldn't play further.

They say power corrupts. Yes, it first corrupts the mind.

In any society, when someone has been at the top for a long time, and there is a perceived challenge from someone else, two things can happen. One, you do your best, stretching your physical and mental limits, then sit back and accept what happens . The other way, is to manipulate things so that your challenger is seen in a bad light, you build more on that, and achieve success by hook or by crook, mostly by crook.

What path you choose to follow depends on who is at the top. Watch the body language of Ponting and his boys, on the video visual where he tells the umpire that Clark took Ganguly's catch. The leader of the pack , his finger up, is dictating stuff; the expressions on the faces of the juniors standing behind, display their amazement at the blatant capitulation on the umpire's part in response to Ponting's so called bravado. When the man at the top is a thief, the others get lessons in stealing.

Happens all the time. In life as well as in politics, and , well, cricket.

Getting to play a test/ODI match is fine. But you are supposed to have made the grade when the entire opposition crouches around you on the pitch mouthing unprintable abuse. You learn to ignore. You also learn the abuse.

Sometimes you answer with a six-run hit, or four-letter word.

Time was when one did sports for exercise, entertainment, as an excuse for not studying, and sometimes, because you had aptitude for it. You played till you ran out of perspiration. So did your friends. There were scrapes, scraps , a bit of fisticuffs, swallowed tears and perceived insults; but ten years down the line, you always looked back fondly on those days, as you met up to have a drink with the guy who actually kicked you on your backside in the final round .

Reactions have been diverse.

The chief referee, Proctor, who accuses Harbhajan, says he knows about racism, since he hails from South Africa. That's like Musharraf saying he knows about democracy.

The ICC Chairman, Speed, would shine in another avatar as an Indian politician, as he redefines the reasons behind the removal of umpires; "they had a bad game ..." !

But the best has come from Michael Holding. He called the whole thing rubbish, and said something, that I have been wanting to say for a LONG time : that monkeys are our ancestors, everyone, regardless of color has descended from them, and calling that racial, is rubbish.

Actually, folks have a doubt whether Harbhajan said anything remotely connected with monkeys.

Some said he cursed Symmonds, in "accepted" Punjabi style, in words that had something to do with Maa.

Others are convinced that, playing his valiant knock of 63 against great odds, Harbhajan was singing a prayer he learnt in school that went "man ki shakti, Tan ki shakti, de Bhagawan...", and Symmonds, only heard the beginning. (What a pity. If Hayden had heard the whole song, he would have shaken Bhajji's hand in admiration.)

Still others claim that Harbhajan was tired and tried to psyche himself up with virtual energy, by singing "Man ki shakti, Bournevita!" as he flitted around between the stumps, and Symmonds hear the first part....

The new analysis of the rhesus monkey genome, conducted by an international consortium (Baylor College of Medicine's Human Genome Sequencing Center in Houston), of more than 170 scientists, reveals that humans and the monkeys share about 93 percent of their DNA. By comparison, humans and chimpanzees share about 98 to 99 percent of their DNA.

While monkeys across the world are probably disgusted with the going ons in their name, by humans who should know better, maybe its time for someone in Bollywood to make a song about chimpanzees ?

And commission Brett Lee, who is so good with his guitar, to sing it ?