Thursday, December 17, 2009

Return of the Googlees

And no, this is not a cricket blog.

I started looking at my blog with a new vision, after my first exposure to the Googlees : the search terms, used by Googlers, on Google, to land up on my blog.

The sheer breadth of keywords was intimidating, and some of the phrases found then, like "Soapy massage ", (that too in various Indian cities), "hip hop notaries to big bilder", "what colors should an 80 year old lady wear on her birthday", "x-fight 2nd carving info", and "google ground shove", made me wonder if there was some "Rangeela"(=colorful,casanova) element in Google Analytics at Mountain View.

That was 8 months ago.

One expects, Googlers, Google and my blog to change for the better, as we all grow older. Maybe , evolve is a better word.

While I am totally at a loss to figure out what someone in the US Capital, looking for ""where to find indian sarees in child sizes in the d.c. area?" found on my blog, there was also someone from London looking for "bride with oiled hair".

Of course, in the currently violent environment where eminent country leaders are bombarded with footwear and statues, I was a alarmed to find someone from Osaka, landing up on my blog searching for
"president bush" kyoto "take off boots" . Very very direct. No ifs and buts.

I was always aware that anatomically we are all a mess inside, and only medical types would recognize a vagus nerve if they met one, but obviously there is a lot more going on there inside, particularly in the neck; this person from Chambersberg, PA, USA, came to me searching for "enlarge thyroid pinching vagus nerve". Ouch.

Someone from Forest Park, GA,USA, knocked on my blog doors, while searching for
"how to measure a sari blouse online", though I wish they had met up with the worthy from Clifton park, NY, who did a search on "online tailors to stitch blouses", and desperately came upon my blog .

Again and again, those puzzling "soapy massage" keywords refuse to dissolve into the ether. Maybe as an indication of globalization, those folks searching for these massages in Bangalore, Mumbai and Chennai, now have fellow searchers in Sydney. I guess some kind of word is getting around. All these visits are New, and one visitor has spent 13 minutes , searching , God alone knows, for what, on my blog !

Away from such dicey situations, it totally intrigues me as to why someone from Dublin, Ireland, would search for
"how to retain self esteem with husband and in laws", and then come hit on my blog; but if someone wants to suddenly improve, who am I to stand in their path.

On a lighter note, I once did a post on Ukhanes, a rhyming couplet in which the , the bride and groom weave each others names, as part my community's wedding customs. Someone searching for "Ukhanes English Groom" landed up there. Fine.

But I have a difficult time imagining a stiff upper lip person in a top hat and tuxedo, raising his brolly, nodding at the guests and mouthing the rhyming couplet, as ladies in nine yard sarees avidly watch.

For a long time I used to think that "hr" has something to do with a watch/time . However, subsequent to lunching with what are called blogging corporate HR types, when I saw a search term "
"how hr of the company identify the given educational marksheet is true or bogus" , I suddenly had a new respect for what these folks did. And I'd love to know how they detect bogus marksheets. But please. Why did it lead the Googler to my blog ? HELP!

Overall, Googlers appear to be getting more sedate. The number of folks simply looking for Gappa, Gappa blog, Ugich, Ugich Konitari, and Ugich Gappa, make up a large portion. Some folks searching for a place in Pennsylvania, called Gap, often land up on my blog, and I must say that I would find it very disturbing if I had to say I lived in a Gap, PA.

Notwithstanding the fact that things appear to be improving, I think Google Analytics, have some fun loving programmer involved in working on the system.

Why else would someone from Ludhiana, Punjab, looking for
"fancy dress pertaining to h1n1 virus" arrive on my blog with a pandemic thud ? And what has he seen that the National Institutes of Health in Washington, the CDC in Atlanta, and assorted places have been unable to trace?

In case all that mirth is giving you a calorie deficit, what would you say if I told you that someone from Lahore, Pakistan, typed in "u idiot open the recipe of gol gappas but in urdu language", and the folks from Mountain View, in one of their Rangeela moments, pointed him to my blog ?

I give up. Maybe you should just enjoy the Gol Gappas. ......


  1. hahahahha!! LOVE the last one!! Just shows the height of his frustration!! Its such fun dissecting the moronic questions people like to ask Google! The worst I have heard yet is "what time is it?"!!!!

  2. ... with a pandemic thud, she says.


    You always make me smile, Gappa!


  3. LOL !! Humanities award is well deserved ! :)

    Especially considering the humanity of people that get automatically attracted to your blog. From the gents ( and ladies perhaps ) looking for oiled hair !

    And of all things fancy dress on H1N1 ! My God ! I did hear that google became a verb and all of that type !

    But then, it seems to be providing wholesome therapy to a lot of souls ! Sigh !

    Fancy dress on H1N1 ! Pah !

  4. hilarious ... especially liked the last para :)

    and imagine my horror when i discovered that most people reach y blog after searching for 'leeches'!!!

  5. You know the previous one was one of my favourites.. ! I even nominated it for Avant Garde !

    but seriously : how can people be looking for : "how to measure a sari blouse online"

    !!!!!!!!!! sooper post this !!!!!

  6. Oh My Gosh !!! The things I never knew constantly astound me. I have never heard of googlees. The only ones that ended up on my blog were related to music. I rarely write about that so 'go figure.'

  7. Quite a lot of alliteration. Googles. Googlees, Gappa, Golgappas. The final one is my favourite.

  8. I wish I had one of those things that tells you which search terms the googlers are looking for. Your post did provide a lot of mirth to me tonight. I may have a 9 yard daughter lives in Houston, Tx and she bought me one once for my birthday. I've no idea why, but it was fun trying to figure it out with a picture pamphlet. It is very pretty, but it lives in a drawer in my dresser. Not much need for me to wear it.

  9. I hardly ever check my Google searches..I should do it. They are always good for a laugh. Or for shaking the head!

    PS Thank you for the "comic" you made for me on my blog. It brought a much needed laugh. Very sweet;)

  10. Gol gappas are always welcome as also the 'gappa' in your blog. But honestly why do people in the US want to get blouses for saree stiched there? My daughter carry back their sarees to be washed and roll pressed in India, buy more stuff than they can pack ane end up leaving the sarees behind for me tto wear. Unfortunately their low necked/backed blouses don't impress me and i cannot get into them anyway. But i think I must check on my Google searches. God knows how capable I am considered to be!ha,ha

  11. Roshni Big improvemnet over the last time I did a Googlee post, when you and "Roshni Mitra brother" in AZ figured in the keywords. I am happy to report that no one searched for you /your brother this time....:-)

    Pearl Sometimes I actually suspect that Google makes up some keywords. But "H1N1 fancy dress" was just too much...

    Kavi You think fancy dress for H1N1 could be a Humanities term for virus mutation ? Hmm.

    Photography I actually searched for leeches and reached your blog. Great leech pictures, by the way. And welcome to my blog.

    HW Kuch to log searchenge, logon ka kaam hai searchna.....:-)

    Darlene You didnt hear of Googlees because I made the name up. But be grateful that music types accessed your blog, instead of massage types. Like on mine. And I thought mine was a family blog ....

    NSIyer Thank you.

    Amber star You need to sign in to Google Analytics and it tells you all these interesting things.

    Lou Glad the comic gave you a mirthful moment. And you would be amazed with the types that land up and the places from where they originate....

    HHG sign in to Google Analytics for a good laugh. Sounds like an ad, but its true. :-)

    Vikram Karve Thank you and welcome.