Vegetarian Politics or Political Veggies ?

The mango season is well upon us, amidst rumors of  the Hapoos Alphonso mangoes being priced out of reach of the Hoi-polloi this year, and counterfeit carbide tainted "hapoos "  from non-Kokan areas of the country rampant in the market.

Intrigued as I was , about the intrusion of a Portuguese name   , I was aghast to find Wikipedia saying that some guy called Afonso de Albuquerque used to travel around Goa, and bring these mangoes with him. They also then say that this variety was then taken to the Kokan region , and other parts of India.  It seems the locals couldn't pronounce Afonso, and started calling it Ahpoos. ( If Afonso was bringing these from , say Portugal, we should have heard  praises of Portuguese mangoes, by now, which we don't.).  To me, it is more believable, that the Portuguese who relentlessly forced their own culture on the original inhabitants of Goa, might have forced someone to name this great mango variety as a compulsory tribute of sorts to the Afonso....


Folks in Uttar Pradesh now will not have any such problems. They have recently decided to name a mango variety grown there , after their latest Chief Minister, and so we now have the  ....(drum roll).....Akhilesh Mango.  Turns out that the same folks have also introduced the world to the Sachin Tendulkar Mango and Aishwarya Rai mango, but such is the stature of the Devgad Hapoos Mangoes, that these celebrity mangoes kind of fade into oblivion.

The West has a tradition of naming  prepared foods  rather than grown produce , after folks . While I haven't heard anyone naming popular snacks after eminent folks in India, maybe the guy naming Mangoes in Uttar Pradesh will set a precedent.

The possibilities  simply boggle the mind.

---Like the Bamata (Manerjee) Mirchi,  short, quick to get angry, fiery, and something you cannot ignore, because it is so badly needed. In cooking and coalitions...

---Like the Mranabda Ukerji Onions ,  who, without fail, unravel, each year in February-March,  layers and layers of new taxes, designed to bring a copious flow of tears for the common man...

--Like the  Sapil Quibble cauliflower,  declaring all broccolis the same as cauliflowers.  So what if it costs more to get them . He will make it so that everyone can buy broccoli, and its OK if someone suffers.

-- -Like the Pawarful  high-glycemic-index Sweet Corns, and other  ex sweet corns, now introducing the Baby Corns , to walk in their footsteps, and like girls, these baby corns have flowing (golden) silky tressses

--- Like the Anna Karela,  with poky tendencies,  spilling the bitter truth to all and sundry....so bitter, it is actually better to fast....


---- Like the  Swaraj Kakdi,  with a big spot of red chilly powder, always fresh in the Delhi and legislative heat, full of argumentative juice....

---- Like the Multi-Karat Red Beetroots,  angry at being ignored at the sabjiwallas....

-----Like the Lal-ooo(h)! tomatoes, and it's such a pity you cannot use them in Cabinet Samosa as stuffing.....

----Like,  the NarunaKidhi variety of different types of related green beans, or is it "has beens" ?   All slightly more mature now, folks uninterested in buying and using them, and yet they follow the dictum, "I'll  break (veggie coalitions), but I simply wont bend" causing some problems in the main sabji organization.....

---Like,  Waayamati Capsicums,  sometimes  a dangerous angry  red, sometimes, flush with gold yellow, but mostly  green, to counter all that concrete environment overflowing in the statue parks, and then even elephants prefer green woods...

----Like the High-a-lalita Hoopla, sorry Bhop-la, resplendent in yellow and upset in orange,  vociferous and crackling about the government making a NCTC Raita out of it.

----Like the wayward legislative Methis and  Kothmirs, green every five years, weeded out every now and then,  but individually , the leaves light enough to flit  all over the scam cooking chambers

It's not just the veggies.  It's even sometimes the grass.

 Back in the 1950's ,  the country imported wheat from the US under the PL 480 scheme. Along with the wheat, we also received a weed,  impressively named Parthenium Hysterophorus. First noticed in Pune, it was ignored, till it spread rapidly in North Karnataka,  and even as far as Jammu . A grass with an erect green shoot system, with a creamy white flower profusion at the top, this was promptly dubbed  Congress Grass, since it emulated the very fast growing greedy political folks who sported white Gandhi caps.

In the last so many years, the white cap has become synonymous with politicians , per se, regardless of party.   350 lakh hectares of land in the country (or over 10% or our land area) including 20 lakh hectares of arable land has been infested with the actual weed.  The cumulative loss on account of this weed till date with its impact on humans, animals as well as crops so far has been estimated at a whopping Rs 160,516 crores!

They say a Mexican Beetle , with another impressive name ,  Zygogramma bicolorata, has now been introduced as it simply eats up and destroys the  Parthenium Hysterophorus .

Shades of 160,516 Crore Scams, investigations, and Lok Zygogramma Anna ....


This year , vegetable prices have soared beyond imagination. The analogy with politicians is complete.

In the meanwhile Hapoos mangoes continue being out of reach.

 Some say, they are being exported now ever since the then-President  George Bush  had some in Delhi, and promptly allowed their import into the US, so he could enjoy them in Texas in retirement......

Another scam ? ....:-))

Mubaarak : Ho, Na Ho.....

An Egyptian family has named their first baby daughter Facebook in honor of the part played by it in the recent Revolution.

While folks out here are cracking jokes about what will happen if she marries Google Patel, possibly have children called Twitter and Orkut, have a pet Dog called Tumblr, and show a Flickring interest in Picasabhai, one wonders , what a name bonanza awaits us if we decide to name kids based on significant things happening in our country and those that make it happen.


This takes me back to how names have come about.

Two generations ago, at least in the area where I come from, Gods and Goddesses were the most popular.

I think my grandmother was the last generation to follow the custom of being named after goddesses. She and her sisters were named after the popular goddesses of learning, valour and the like. For every one's naming convenience , a single goddess in Hindu mythology may boast of several names, all having to do with her inherent great qualities, her ability to be a certain God's wife and so on. My grandma probably named her children (my father and uncle) after Gods, to be on the safe side; but after that, the names were all on the slightly abstract side for boys (undefeatbale, victorious), except mine, where I was supposed to be named after a highly fragrant flower that grows in our native place (which I have not spotted till now). Sigh.


The diversity of this country, the dialects and pronunciations can have the same name appear different depending on the place you come from. Some regions have a complete aversion to saying "sh", converting them to "s" and some areas pronounce every name with a distinct O-fication, as well as converting, with a vengeance , all ordinary "s's" into "sh's".

Today, the style seems to have zeroed in on having short names, for both girls and boys, at least in my state. These names often have some connection with Gods and Goddesses, given that some of the Gods have like 1008 names. But unlike our Egyptian friend, we have been singularly uninterested in naming kids after current country heroes.

Yes, folks earlier named their children Jawaharlal (after Nehru) , Indira (Gandhi) and so on.

But today there is a singular lack of heroes (in public life), after which people can name their children. The only exception one can think of is Sachin Tendulkar who is again, considered "Godlike " in Cricket, and so people happily name their children after him.

Today the situation in the country is such, that despite having great meanings and stuff, there probably exists a blacklist of names; names no one wants their children to have.

Like .

Raja, of the Telecom scam, a name that earlier bespoke grandeur and nobility, and generosity. In Arabic it means anticipation, and in Sanskrit , it means radiant (as in King). He certainly "anticipated" stuff well and cleverly too, and cannot be anything else but "radiant" with all the 2G/3G wireless Spectrum stuff. Of course it helped to have a political boss called Karunanidhi , which is supposed to mean "someone whose heart is full of kindness" . Must be kindness laced with a frill of deals with powerful ladies.

But today it means a crook and a cheat.

Nira Radia , again of the 2G/3G spectrum scam. For one thing, the origins of the name Nira are Hebrew, and Nira means plow or a loom. No wonder, she was able to weave the various industrialists and ministers together, as she endeavoured to plow back into her PR business, the tangible benefits of knowing the right phone numbers in Mumbai and Delhi. Maybe she should have spelt her name Neera. That's a name , which in India means ,"by oneself, or complete " , but also has origins in Greek and Spanish , where it means " young, devastating, and capable of great destruction"......

Anyway, Raja and Radia as a pair were destined to be.....

Suresh (as in Kalmadi) , of the Commonwealth Games Scam , is supposed to mean Lord of the Gods. Also another name for Lord Vishnu. Kalmadi certainly knew how to Lord it over people, but I think if Heaven has courts, Lord Vishnu would rush to file an affidavit to delete Suresh as a name from the list.

Of course , can Ashok , (Ashok Chavan, ex-CM of Maharashtra ) and lately of the Adarsh building scam lag behind ? In Sanskrit his name means "not causing sorrow". Maybe all those folks putting money in the building believed that. Maybe he himself believed that, and so did his ma-in-law, and assorted defence warrior types. But sometimes one tends to fool oneself......

And how can you forget Lalu Prasad Yadav, of the Fodder Scam. Making money off food meant for our four legged friends. A wide search on Google confirms the fact that this name has an unknown origin, but some enterprising types, used numerology to find out that the sum of alphabetical order of letters in LALU is 46 and this makes LALU arithmetic buddies with words like Amicable, Adept, Best, Fast, Magical, Frail. Don't know what happens if you spell him LALOO. But I dont see a rush anywhere to name the children after him.

We certainly cannot leave aside UP Chief Minister Mayawati . Supposed to mean "full of illusions" , she definitely creates many for the people she purports to represent. Any illusions of power that she creates certainly do not reach in her rural areas where her legislators continue to molest helpless women; and people have no illusions of what the police are likely to do, if you went there to complain. The Maya is on full display when she fights for the highest taxpayer title, and flaunts her real estate holdings and diamond jewellery, not to mention boot polishing security....

While the severe lack of public figures to uphold as examples and name children after, is something that is obvious and possibly worrisome, , it has always been safe to name kids after the 5 elements; you cannot go wrong naming children after Fire, Water, Earth, Air and so on.

Maybe it is time to abandon all these naming conventions and give modern names and initials to folks. Like GPRS Mahadevan, or S. S. Bluetoothay, or Sam Sung Tooji, Black Beri Threeji, GSM Sharma, or Kapil Croray. You could even have ROFL Amarsingh, or UMMV Gandhi.



But to getting back to Baby Facebook , one certainly wonders ....

When folks will come to attend the naming ceremony party in Egypt, for Baby Facebook, what do you think they will say to her delighted folks ?

Mubaarak ho ?