The Grand S(L/C/P)am

Reading the daily newspaper was considered a BIG deal 50 years ago. No, we didn't have folks reading out snippets in the school assembly, which was more about prayers, songs, announcements and marching in and out to music.  There was no television, just radio, and news readers then were household names.

Life was simpler.  

We didn't have a scam a day. Whenever there was one, (I remember folks talking about Pratap Singh Kairon)  the concerned people actually resigned. Newspapers didn't have so many ads. That is probably why, at home, we had to daily write a passage  or passages, from the newspaper, for handwriting practice and comprehension, both. Which helped when they had general knowledge tests at school. Communication was by word of mouth, and primarily letters.  Telegrams were generally bad news. The rotary black telephone happened in my ninth grade and was not a substitute for cycling over to a friend's to check out homework details. 

50 years on it seems to me , that both population and communication modes are going overboard. And just like scams result from certain parts of the overflowing population competing and scrambling, illegally for monetary goodies,  spams are now the result, of there being a surfeit of communication methods. Letters, telegrams, telephones, emails, cell phone messaging, anywhere calling, twitter, social media. In my time we called out to folks who appeared in balconies, and conversations continued. Today, there are five OB vans and television reporters hovering in the background.

While simple, middle class, tax paying, god fearing folks like me, look on, mouth agape , at the scams being reported , several  a day,  it boggles the mind as to why , one receives the type of spam one does, which Google so successfully manages to detect.  

Like I am told I have the 1,000,000.00 GBP (One Million Pound Sterling) from the Coca-Cola Online Award 2012........

Like  I am supposed to have  won £90,000.00 Pounds and a BlackBerry Torch 9810 in the ongoing BLACKBERRY ASIA PROMO 2012........

Like the Minister Trust Funds of Benin Republic tells me, that I need to pick  my ($5,000) payment by western union, and I will receive it every day till I receive the 1.500,000.00 United State Dollars.........

Like I am congratulated for winning the British National Lottery  of 1,000,000.00 (British Pounds), drawing  held on the 30th August 2012 in London Uk.....

Like there are the  YAHOO LOTTERY RESULTS 2012, from Thailand, where I am supposed to have won, ONE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ( $1, 000. 000.00USD).

Like a letter from a husband and wife team who have won the  Euro Millions Jackpot Lottery of £101 million (Pounds) on October 11, 2011 and have voluntarily decided to donate the sum of £1,000,000.00 Pounds to me,  as a "charity" !

There is even a spam where  to entice me further , it says, "You have gained a Chevrolet Cruze Car, &  the sum of £300,000.00 GBP from CHEVROLET MOTORS.

While I struggle to surface for Mumbai's polluted air from under the onslaught  of these windfalls, and successfully manage to click on the "delete all spam" button, I recall reading about folks replying to Nigerian scams and getting cheated. I am puzzled as to how some folks make a career of sending such mails, some encrusted with malware in attachments, which they urge you to unload.

And then I recall hearing something which could be both scam and spam. Talking to someone who deals with computer virus removals and the required  packages, I was shocked to hear that some virus removal software companies, have a "new virus department", that creates new versions of viruses (some of whom travel in the spam), to which the companies then provide cures. 

Somewhat like Licence Raj.  Someone makes the rules stiffer, so someone can make fortunes specializing in "looking the other way".  Like delaying water connections to buildings so the tanker lobby will benefit.  Like looking the other way as road contractors make a mess of paver blocks, and shoddy mixing of cement with vague stuff.     

Like our esteemed political representatives, who have successfully stalled  every Parliament session this year, shouting about scams, defending scams and exhibiting reprehensible behaviour,  enabling a  quiet hurried passage of some other important bills which would have otherwise benefited from a debate. Like the only time debate happened on the Lokpal bill, someone snatched the papers from someone else and tore them to bits in Parliament on television, followed by some playacting by those trying to right the wrong.  

If someone in school had torn up a report card because he failed, the child would have been rusticated from school. 

But these are amazing times. 

While we shout about scams, spams, millions of rupees, lakhs and crores and so on,  go to your bank and ask for a bundle of 50 Rs notes, needed by those who pay in real time for vendors, transport and so on. 

They don't have the notes in stock.  Maybe it is an indication of something. One times it was the 2 Rs notes , then the 5 Rs notes, that disappeared. We simply will not mention the coins. Now a sheaf of 50 Rs currency notes not available in banks. 

Telephones are no longer telephones, unless they have net surfing, music , camera, video, GIS and other advanced acronymed facilities.   The bigger , the better.

 Someone once wrote a book called "Don't sweat the small stuff".  Someone also wrote a book called "Small is beautiful".

The sad part is, "small" as a concept, is slowly becoming extinct. 

There is "nano" but no "small"  anymore. 

Except things like kids , birds, and flowers....Because no one has been able to plant a bug in that amazing system designed with so many checks and balances .........

  

Vegetarian Politics or Political Veggies ?

The mango season is well upon us, amidst rumors of  the Hapoos Alphonso mangoes being priced out of reach of the Hoi-polloi this year, and counterfeit carbide tainted "hapoos "  from non-Kokan areas of the country rampant in the market.

Intrigued as I was , about the intrusion of a Portuguese name   , I was aghast to find Wikipedia saying that some guy called Afonso de Albuquerque used to travel around Goa, and bring these mangoes with him. They also then say that this variety was then taken to the Kokan region , and other parts of India.  It seems the locals couldn't pronounce Afonso, and started calling it Ahpoos. ( If Afonso was bringing these from , say Portugal, we should have heard  praises of Portuguese mangoes, by now, which we don't.).  To me, it is more believable, that the Portuguese who relentlessly forced their own culture on the original inhabitants of Goa, might have forced someone to name this great mango variety as a compulsory tribute of sorts to the Afonso....


Folks in Uttar Pradesh now will not have any such problems. They have recently decided to name a mango variety grown there , after their latest Chief Minister, and so we now have the  ....(drum roll).....Akhilesh Mango.  Turns out that the same folks have also introduced the world to the Sachin Tendulkar Mango and Aishwarya Rai mango, but such is the stature of the Devgad Hapoos Mangoes, that these celebrity mangoes kind of fade into oblivion.

The West has a tradition of naming  prepared foods  rather than grown produce , after folks . While I haven't heard anyone naming popular snacks after eminent folks in India, maybe the guy naming Mangoes in Uttar Pradesh will set a precedent.

The possibilities  simply boggle the mind.

---Like the Bamata (Manerjee) Mirchi,  short, quick to get angry, fiery, and something you cannot ignore, because it is so badly needed. In cooking and coalitions...

---Like the Mranabda Ukerji Onions ,  who, without fail, unravel, each year in February-March,  layers and layers of new taxes, designed to bring a copious flow of tears for the common man...

--Like the  Sapil Quibble cauliflower,  declaring all broccolis the same as cauliflowers.  So what if it costs more to get them . He will make it so that everyone can buy broccoli, and its OK if someone suffers.

-- -Like the Pawarful  high-glycemic-index Sweet Corns, and other  ex sweet corns, now introducing the Baby Corns , to walk in their footsteps, and like girls, these baby corns have flowing (golden) silky tressses

--- Like the Anna Karela,  with poky tendencies,  spilling the bitter truth to all and sundry....so bitter, it is actually better to fast....


---- Like the  Swaraj Kakdi,  with a big spot of red chilly powder, always fresh in the Delhi and legislative heat, full of argumentative juice....

---- Like the Multi-Karat Red Beetroots,  angry at being ignored at the sabjiwallas....

-----Like the Lal-ooo(h)! tomatoes, and it's such a pity you cannot use them in Cabinet Samosa as stuffing.....

----Like,  the NarunaKidhi variety of different types of related green beans, or is it "has beens" ?   All slightly more mature now, folks uninterested in buying and using them, and yet they follow the dictum, "I'll  break (veggie coalitions), but I simply wont bend" causing some problems in the main sabji organization.....

---Like,  Waayamati Capsicums,  sometimes  a dangerous angry  red, sometimes, flush with gold yellow, but mostly  green, to counter all that concrete environment overflowing in the statue parks, and then even elephants prefer green woods...

----Like the High-a-lalita Hoopla, sorry Bhop-la, resplendent in yellow and upset in orange,  vociferous and crackling about the government making a NCTC Raita out of it.

----Like the wayward legislative Methis and  Kothmirs, green every five years, weeded out every now and then,  but individually , the leaves light enough to flit  all over the scam cooking chambers

It's not just the veggies.  It's even sometimes the grass.

 Back in the 1950's ,  the country imported wheat from the US under the PL 480 scheme. Along with the wheat, we also received a weed,  impressively named Parthenium Hysterophorus. First noticed in Pune, it was ignored, till it spread rapidly in North Karnataka,  and even as far as Jammu . A grass with an erect green shoot system, with a creamy white flower profusion at the top, this was promptly dubbed  Congress Grass, since it emulated the very fast growing greedy political folks who sported white Gandhi caps.

In the last so many years, the white cap has become synonymous with politicians , per se, regardless of party.   350 lakh hectares of land in the country (or over 10% or our land area) including 20 lakh hectares of arable land has been infested with the actual weed.  The cumulative loss on account of this weed till date with its impact on humans, animals as well as crops so far has been estimated at a whopping Rs 160,516 crores!

They say a Mexican Beetle , with another impressive name ,  Zygogramma bicolorata, has now been introduced as it simply eats up and destroys the  Parthenium Hysterophorus .

Shades of 160,516 Crore Scams, investigations, and Lok Zygogramma Anna ....


This year , vegetable prices have soared beyond imagination. The analogy with politicians is complete.

In the meanwhile Hapoos mangoes continue being out of reach.

 Some say, they are being exported now ever since the then-President  George Bush  had some in Delhi, and promptly allowed their import into the US, so he could enjoy them in Texas in retirement......

Another scam ? ....:-))

Rs 585,000,00,000 ? ONLY ?

Money has always been money, with the same magnitude of importance. Whether you talk about it now, or say, 30 years ago.  The concern was the same.  All this holds true, if you belong to the unfortunate tribe classified as "general tax paying public".


When I started working,  particularly  in a government organization, 35 years ago, I was at one point introduced to the concept of "someone in audit, raising an objection ".

It's not as if millions in funds were being squandered here and there.  I was simply directed to go attend an  IT workshop at a place  about 25 kilometres away for 4 days. This was not a residential program, and would involve daily commuting.  While I was well versed in the science and art of creative bus and train travel thanks to my previous job in the city,  I was advised by "experienced folks" to check out what my transport "entitlement" was .   I was told that I was entitled to taxi fare.  Wow !

I duly attended the aforementioned workshop, kept track of  number plates of taxis , and jotted down the details, of those, the time, and the fare paid , faithfully.   On return,  in addition to doing a report for those who had recommended me for the workshop,  I had to fill up some forms for conveyance expenses.   And send them to what was referred to  by everyone I know, as "admin".

I was duly called one day, and informed, that taxi fare was simply not for me, and I was being granted rickshaw fare .  Granting  me a closed vehicle with 4 wheels, for transport, would be objected under audit rules . And I was being given the expenses for an open three wheeler .  Not that this made a dent in my meagre nonexistent  fortune, but this was my introduction to a bunch of people called "Audit".  The conscience keepers for expenses incurred and submitted for justification.  

Towards the end of my career in the aforementioned job, I once noticed a discrepancy in salary, and checked up the rules in the  book of service rules.  My doubt was confirmed, and I approached the admin types with my doubts.  The whole thing was pooh-poohed in the manner a brilliant scientist would pooh-pooh, say, me writing about  subtraction-with-carry.   I was told the various steps, that were followed ,before a decision was taken. How things went through "audit",  before implementation.   And how they couldn't be wrong.

That same evening I ran into a friend from Audit in a wedding reception we attended ,  and  between jeera rice  and  hare-bhare kababs, we chatted about this . Corporate types do the same stuff and call it networking.  Just saying.  

Something must have a rung a bell and my friend said she would check and get back to me.  The next day, I heard from her. I was right, and admin was wrong. They owed me. Some. And when I asked her if I should write out an application with n copies for redressal , she told me, that things were in process, a note had been put up by audit, and I would be getting my dues, without raising my finger, pen or voice. 

And so  I ended up having immense respect for "audit", as someone who ensures money is being spent as per rules, points out anomalies and discrepancies, and defines how to right them.


Turns out, in some cases it is never so.

The Unique Identification Authority of India, initiated its UID card project under the experienced stewardship of Nandan Nilekani, who ventured into government after a very successful lifetime innings at Infosys.   We even ended up going for our biometric  cards  thing a few months ago, and I even blogged about that !


Today, I read in the papers, that after spending Rs 585,000,00,000 (give and take a couple of zeros here and there, I am sure),  the Parliamentary Committee on something or the other has moved that this project  be abandoned/stopped.  The Home Ministry has problems with it, the Finance Ministry has problems with it.  And so,  because Parliament decrees so,  the project will be stopped.   Just like that.  And no one ever bothered about how much has already been spent on the project.

There have been loud whispers in the press about certain sections of government being unhappy with it .  Simultaneously, there were also news items indicating how so many millions of people have now been covered under this, how anyone  could open a bank account  based on this single citizen identification,  how folks get buy their grains from the public distribution system, using this , and so on and so forth.

Did someone, doing and auditing job for the government take cognisance of this ?  No.  Did so many auditing agencies of the government that operate at state and even lower levels  think of looking into this? No. Did anyone ever get National audit types like Comptroller and Auditor General  (CAG) into the picture as all this money was being spent ? No. Must we wait while all the money is completely wasted before  some watchdog wakes up and demands a report on the costs and benefits? 

Are wishes of Parliament subject to audit ?  When doubts are being expressed , occasionally in the press and elsewhere about the veracity of information , and biometric security aspects  of the UID, do we have a national auditing entity that says, "Wait. Lets look into this before we spend any more money"....?

They say the Rupee is losing its value.

Maybe in the eyes of the Reserve Bank, Ministries, and those who are , as I call them, zero-enabled (ie every additional zero enhances them). Maybe in the eyes of those to whom it is just a statistic.  Maybe in the eyes of those , for whom everything in life is paid for.

To me , the rupee still has value.

It doesn't depend on the dollar.  I keep track about what it buys for me.  How much or how how little. I am careful about how I spend it.  I  pay my taxes, like so many others of my ilk. And I agonize when I get cheated.  Because one has worked honestly and for long to earn it. 

What is really sad, is when  folks think of the magnitude of scams currently being investigated,  and say, that this quantity Rs, 585,000,00,000 "isn't that much" !

   Even half that would have built some bridges across rivers, where children have to wade through water to reach school, or built a hospital in an area where normal medical help is 24 hours and a mountain away.

What has really lost value,  is not the currency, but those folks that purport to rule us, and represent us , and  decide  how to spend the money earned from the taxes that I pay. 

I guess we stay tuned for the next. Scam, that is. 

The Chronicles of Corruptia

A day in the life of a schoolgirl in 2040.

History and government are her favorite subjects. And she has done of lot of research into the Scammy Age which is what happened in the beginning of the 21st century.

And she has written a paper on the Theatre of the Scams. She was going to call it the Theatre of the Absurd, but was told that plain absurdity had tinges of plain innocence. There was none here.

And so she wrote about the person in the portrait alongside, a father , Sir Mercy Gogglewalla, who blindly doted on his willful poetic daughter, YesIkani.

And how they conspired with a person of royal nomenclature but the standards of a goonda, called Akingo.

How he met , in the course of his misdeeds , a hefty looking pseudo sports type , Kuresh Salmadi, who sported a fake virtual turban, and misled two other sport types called Bhan and Verm into joining him, in spending the country's money on food and timers, ordered at outrageous prices.







YesIkani, under Akingo's influence, became great drinking friends with Ms Toddywalla Radio who actually knew all the useful and big shots around.

Between Akingo, YesIkani, Ms Toddywalla, and with the help of a few other people from actual industry of the country, crores of rupees were appropriated.

The time was such that everyone was then being looked upon with suspicion.





Ms. Sympatica, the erstwhile CM of an adjoining state, assumed queenly stature with her display of jewellery and power, and her efforts to convert an old river behind the Taj Mahal, into an expressway. It is said that another prince from an adjoining state is giving her a tough fight.











Holding the banner aloft for the southern part of the country was another queenly person, Ms. Victoria Varieta, who had long long ago known Mr Mercy Gogglewalla in Tamil films, but was not willing to give him or his willful daughter the time of the day now. She had sworn off jewellery while Mr Mercy Gogglewala and his cronies were in power , and people remarked on how jewellery was now making a comeback, now that someone was looking into the corrupt linkages of YesIkani, Akingo, and others.

And how can we forget, Empathica Energy, the lady (shown sitting in the middle) who showed a ray of honest light, when she drove out the communists from Bengal by democratic means. She was honored in a photo with the ruling party chairperson, and Ms Victoria Varieta, and as much as they tried they couldn't get YesIkani to go away, and so there is this picture for posterity, of some powerful women pretending to be ordinary (!)






But the find of the day , for the school girl doing the paper in 2040, was a scene from, what she thought was a play, but which was the depiction on what was actually happening in 2011.

YesIKani, Ms Toddywalla Radio, and Mr Mercy Gogglewalla, getting away with it all, and the ruling party chairperson, and Ms Victoria Varieta (in disguise), just standing by .....




The teacher gave the schoolgirl a new videophone. They don't give grades anymore.

Some Adarsh solutions....

Buildings built with the blatant connivance or calculated blindness of , the powers that be, and in complete disregard of the laws of the land, are nothing new in Mumbai. This has been so for several decades. It is also observed, that those officers who are perceived as being obstacles in the development of such buildings and societies, are summarily transferred or removed from the scenario under some pretext.

The very inappropriately named " Adarsh " (= ideal) housing society scam wins the shameless award on all fronts. The land wasn't theirs, they misled authorities in various ways, they built 25 more floors than they were allowed to, registered owners for flats on those floors, and till the RTI activists forced the data out into the open, no one in the government, civilian or military thought of giving the project a second look. What is more, an adjoining piece of land was being eyed by some more unscrupulous government folks for construction of an Adarsh-2.

Consequent to questions in a rarely functioning Parliament, and various so called authorities, who were caught with their hands in the till, big guns like chief ministers were forced to resign, the environment ministry stepped in to check if CRZ coastal regulations were disobeyed and have now recommended that this whole 31 storey building beemolished/destroyed/bulldozed, as an example .


There are many people who purchased flats here at a later stage, putting in their life savings, and were reassured by the fact that it had so many big shots as members, that there would be no problems anywhere in the paperwork. These people are now upset , and wish to know what happens to their money.


(This is a bit like the Mumbai roads, where the Municipal types , hand in glove with the road contractors, deliberately certify substandard work, and get paid again and again, cuts going to facilitators, and nobody gives a damn about subsequent traffic and pedestrian problems, or what is worse, ambulances carrying emergency cases, who get stuck in the mess, sirens blaring desperately. Unlike the fellows above cribbing about life savings, here it is an actual life involved, and these delays often prove fatal. But the big difference is that we are lowly tax paying citizens and these are corrupt leaders, legislators and politicians).


Apart from this blame game, the building scheduled for destruction, has involved millions of man-woman hours of very hard work by some very ordinary rural folk, imported for this work from rural areas, and made to work, possibly by bypassing, and flouting safety norms , all so the contractor can increase his profit. There is a huge amount of material that will go waste in this demolition exercise. There will be immense noise, dust, and possible money pollution associated with this.


And unless, the environment ministry does a survey of all illegal buildings in Mumbai, and takes similar action, this one-off recommended action by the Environment ministry will be seen as a symbolic action, and will go the way of all symbolic actions, like bureaucrats posing with brooms and protective hats on "Keep your city clean " days, while unprotected municipal class IV conservancy staff continue to fall and drown unprotected into drainage manholes, and suffocate in the gases..

The question is what do we do with a 31 storey building.


It is clear that unless they had planned the 31 storeys at the foundation stage (deep enough) itself, somebody didn't suddenly get an evil brainwave at the 6th floor, and suddenly decide to build 25 more. The land, it seems belongs to the Military, but nothing was done about it, and eyes were kept closed, to enable Military types to buy flats there.

It seems like a good idea, to take away all the flats from the people who have registered and bought them there. None will be homeless, as they have other homes, maybe several. Possibly in Mumbai itself.


There are some more ideas.


a). Shift all the ministers out of their sprawling bungalows in Malabar hill, and allot them a flat each in Adarsh. This will sharply cut down house makeover costs, at public expense. I don't pay my taxes so somebody can have silk curtains in a room with 5 AC's, or so that someone can order expensive furniture for a totally unnecessary makeover. Come to think of it the minister needs a makeover, not his house. The possible emptying up of large sprawling tracts of land in that area, would possibly lead to some planned forestation efforts in an area where we now speak of heights of buildings, shamelessness and power, instead of heights of old trees.


b) Convert the building into a subsidized Children's Hospital, where people from all over Maharashtra/India can come and get the best of treatment, with some lower/upper floors reserved for dormitory accommodation for the parents of admitted kids.


c) A Working women's hostel, as well as a place of refuge for the increasingly ill treated senior citizens, with adequate security. This security could be provided by our military because it is supposed to be their land.


d) The solution to revert back to the place as residences for the Kargil War Widows is also possible. However, a house is more than rooms and walls; it is also about extended family, reliable neighbors, social milieu and interactions, and there must be then a way of ensuring that the house remains with whoever it has been granted to. Most times, senior extended male family members rule the roost, take over the benefits accruing to the widow, and she is back where she was. Unless the government can set up a vigilance system for the occupants, this solution will not work.


e) Maharashtra Police at the lower levels have inadequate benefits. They need more recruits, they need to offer more benefits at the basic level, and police housing is something which has been crying for action. Adarsh could be something where they could have police housing for the lower echelons. Officer levels have guaranteed housing with cars and orderlies, and these facilities are often times abused. It is time that we did something for those, who risk life and limb on the roads of Mumbai, regardless of the weather, with inadequate protection (armswise), provide you the one live captured terrorist at the cost of their life, only to have the top echelons, move around in beaconed cars, giving endless statements and excuses about inefficient non-working bullet free jackets and messaging confusion during 26/11.


There could possibly be more innovative solutions I think the first one would be a cost saving one. The Mantralaya offices would be within walking distance. Minister types walking with their alphabetically enabled security detail, would draw admiring glances from the public, avoid traffic jams, improve pedestrian facilities in a city that believes only in 4 wheelers. There would be an immense saving in petrol. The WSJ, Time and Huffington Post post will write about this, and maybe we can arrange for the symbol obsessed types to wear a beacon on their head as they walk to work.

It just occurred to me that when we ordinary people think of investing in a flat, and particpate in getting a loan or membership in a housing society, we are always asked to submit a court affidavit on stamp paper , declaring that we do not own any other property within the city. I wonder what all the cheaters at "Adarsh" did . Or maybe , their affidavits were actually printed on stamp paper which was itself part of the earlier Telgi Stamp Paper Scam . So much for false declarations on false stamppapers, or true declarations of false stamppapers, or false declarations on true stamppapers.....Never mind.


I wonder if you have any other solutions for the usage of this building . ..... suggestions welcome!

Sign of the times....

These are weird times. Confusing times . And possibly shameless times.

We've just been through a year of scams. Buildings, Milk, Onions, Games, Fodder, Military land, 2G spectrum, minister appointments, disproportionate assets , relatives of judges going haywire consolidating assets, police officers committing crimes......the variety is mind boggling.

And the current minister, in charge of telecommunications, lambasts the Comptroller and Auditor general of India, because he says the 2G scam was 97 lakh crores and not 1,76 lakh crores. ( I may be wrong in numbers, whats a few crores here and there , na ?).....as someone said on twitter, this is like saying I didn't kill 25 people , but only 14......

The agriculture minister, intriguingly says that the prices will remain elevated for 3 weeks . If he knew all this why wasn't something done ? He also predicts a rise in milk prices. And I also read something about the impending rise in red chilly prices. The petroleum minister feels left out and hikes the gas prices.

And then , this morning, grown men cricketers, are auctioned off and sold like slaves, with moneybags and page 3 types fighting over them, and the way the news is reported, in real time, you can almost imagine someone walking around with a huge basket, with a bunch of faces peering out, and then he says " Come one, come all; today only, Rahul Dravid, for 400, Buy one Rahul, get one Saurav free " , " Make a VVspecial offer on VVS Laxman, and get Brett Lee at 50%"....

All they have to do, is play non-stop cricket for 6 weeks, wear bright uniforms in children's colors, attend vague parties post match regardless of how tired they are, and watch underdressed item number types perform jhatkaas whenever the hit a four or a six, as their jingling owners applaud in the company of Bollywood folks from the special stands.

Like I said , these are weird and shameless times.

And that fact was confirmed when I saw, how, the Fashion Design Council of India, organized "Fashion Weeks" (at 5 star hotels, sponsored by companies who should know better, and avidly watched by fabric disabled folks, sitting cheek by jowl ) to provide "a market place for Indian Designers to showcase their talent".

I don't know who buys these things, and where they wear the stuff. I wouldn't wear a telephone with feathers on my head even if they offered green peas free for a week.

Watch :


I guess you need this when you don't want to see what you are eating.

And I don't really know what the protrusion on the top is, but the cows on our campus might just decide to sue this designer for infringing on their copyright on horns.




This is even worse. See the expression on the face of the man in the audience.

I would look that way too, if I saw a person carrying a lace covered jackfruit on the head, with flowing tatters, and passing that off as "headwear".

Would you pay for this ? I wouldn't wear this if they paid me more than Gautam Gambhir in IPL4.



And with all that cutting and fitting design training, was tetra packs all they could find ? And why not have buttons for the green blouse ? And sticking the top flap of the boxes in your hair is not such a hot idea.

Accessorizing hair with little notes saying "Kitne Aadmi the ? (=How many people were there?)" wont work if this lady tries to enter one of Mumbai's buses at 9:30 am on a weekday, or 7:30 am on a train.



Of course, you are forgiven if you think this was from a fashion show for HRH Prince Charles when he met the Mumbai Dabbawallas.

How the designer forgot to incorporate dangling spoon earrings is beyond me ! It might be a nice way to carry your lunch, but they have clearly forgotten one lid. Something is very empty at the top.

6 Sigma Management types have blasted this saying Dabbawallas are much better as they carry so many more lunches per person, that too with lids.

The designer has defended saying this lady is actually running in the Mumbai Marathon 2011.


No wonder this lady is looking to her right. She wouldn't see a thing on the left, with her mother's ancient dusting brooms attached like this to her crown.

But learning ballet and travelling in trains might be an option. You kind of twirl around in those tiny bathrooms, and walls automatically get clean. You look down, move your head.....you get the idea.

Only thing is what happens if she emerges out and then sneezes at someone ? And whose feathers are these ? Can some Minister intervene ?


Great use of the 3000 crates of toilet paper rolls that were imported in the CWG scam.

One has always promoted the more hygienic way of using water instead of paper, as practiced in India.

But I wish someone had consulted a Rajasthan person while planning the head wrap. Although, I suppose this habit of ordering more of everything than what you need , is endemic in the corridors of power, and it is better to donate the toilet paper to fashion than get listed as someone embroiled and accused in a Toilet paper scam. (This certainly looks like one, though)...


I am sure you've been dying to do this : dump all the assorted old electronic stuff from your house somewhere. Not much of designing here, it looks like someone just opened a drawer, picked up the stuff, dashed it on this lady's head, and taped things a bit here and there, so it doesn't fall when she turns her head on the catwalk to smile at a Bollywood hero. Also a good trick to use on a bad hair day.

But I wish they had removed the colorful sales tags. The Minister for Environment, the UN, Barrack Obama, and Sunita Narayan will approve this recycling of e-waste.



Superb, conservative design above the neck. Ideal for getting into crowded buses and trains. Will keep people at a decent distance from you, though the problem will happen only when you want to whisper.


I hear Cadbury's and Hersheys are in competition to provide those protruding things in chocolate. You munch on them and then use new ones everyday. Ideally installed if you have a little one you need to carry, and he gets hungry. Of course this has the danger of unknown folks trying to dash against you in wild abandon, once they know.

Another fine example of what you can do with your old slide projector tray. There are patriotic colors involved, acceptable to all the important political parties, and the wheel contraption on the forehead is actually a pair of attached sunglasses.

Strangely, now that old electronic stuff is the rage amongst fashion designers, hoarding has begun, and there is currently a shortage of old screens, switches, and keyboards. This model actually had QWERT around her neck, but they removed it and hid it.

Wouldn't want to wear it to a party though. Just think of the injuries if 25 people danced in this to Sheela ki Jawani...




This has to be the pick of the lot. In keeping with our latest Scam.


Modelled by one of our best, in the 2G-3G-Haan-Ji Fashion show inaugurated by the previous Telecom Minister, it takes you back to the days, when Spectrums were in Rainbows, and happened free of charge.

Though I certainly think they could have used a better basket to invert over the lady's head. And they need to clarify on the post-it note stuck to the model's forehead. It's probably a new way (going back to basics ?) of taking messages from phonecalls. Though I wish the CBI would find out if Nira Radia, Barkha, and Vir are involved in this design.





And what a wonderful way to advertise Milk !

A page 3 bride, with a gown and umbrella based veil in the color of burnt milk.

At first I thought this was a new stunt by the lady , Liz Hurley, who wore a safety pin dress and got married in Jaipur.

But apparently the Paneer company sponsoring the show insisting on having a bottle of milk at the top.




Scams, rising prices, selling cricketers, lies, politics, and I was wondering if anyone could visualize how the common man/woman on the street felt.


There are actually designers who understand that.

This monstrosity on the left was actually exhibited in a fashion show by the designers whose name figures on the screen behind the model.

Could be electric wires, chindhis from the tailor, or artistically peeled bottle gourd (dudhi) peels.

The person doesn't look like a professional model, and he seems to be running, in sandals. Must be escaping from something before he gets too embroiled .

I wonder who he is.


Enjoy .